I have come to the phase of my life where everything is falling apart.

My friends started betraying me and my bestfriend, bestest of them all, actually betrayed me too. Wow well, after all I've been through with my past squads, I actually can manage to get over this. One time in when I was in 10th grade my squad actually excluded me from the group after pointing out their mistake. Me correcting them is betrayal, for them at the very least. One benefit I probably got from ending friendship with 8 people is that I got rid of the now miserable people. I thank God for that actually. Back to the present. Apparently, the remaining friends I have left are either fake or a user. I'd personally prefer user friends because you know, at least they prove how I can be of use to some people, minus the part where they ignore me whenever they don't need me. 

With all these drama among my circle of friends, I resort to, of course, my family. These days I strt to dedicate my free time to them and try to go home whenever I had the chance and be with them. It's actually really pleasant. Until my mom started acting up. My mom is a very strict and disciplined woman. She is a professional thus it would really make sense if she had high standards. But these days, these standards have gotten overboard and her words are literally a big stab to the heart and ego. All the drama with my friends have become a huge burden for me and I try my hardest not to show any sign of it to my family to avoid them questioning my life in school because that would just make me feel worse and cry more. With all these drama, I started applying to different universities, huge universities actually and it really made me feel validated and keep my life on track. And now, my mom is starting to add up with all the depression and pressure I feel from my friends. She told me to stop applying to these universities before I mess up myself and bring shame to the family. Imagine hearing that from your mom? 

Whatever, thanks for reading this. I just wanted to find a way to rant all these away before I resort to suicide, in which I actually contemplated upon the whole day. Bye.