21 October 2017.

Been honestly questioning my decision to continue writing in generally of late. The responses have been lukewarm at best all across & it's genuinely rather disheartening. Various thoughts have been plaguing me since then; was it bcoz my writings aren't good enough? or was it that my ideas lack creativity and lack luster? Or perhaps the pairings that I write about are not enticing enough? Maybe it bcoz there aren't many of the fans left reading abt their idols left here in AFF, considering I tend to gravitate to the older idols. Exo's the 'newest' idols amongst those that I wrote but even then, no particular surge in readers or what so ever. 

And so as I try to question the reasons behind the low rise of upvotes & subscribers & minimal response, I start to question if it's worth continuing writing anymore. If it's worth to spend all that time and effort for (almost) nothing. It's like the flame of my excitement and enthusiasm is slowly extinguished bit by bit with every bit of silence I encounter. As a writer, you'll definitely want people to follow and like your work and when you don't get that... you question things I guess. Like how some people can get so many subbies even if their grammer is sooo bad or even if their drabbles are to the point of cliche-ness or no sense, but yet here you are with at least a proper command of english and you can't even get a third of the subbies they had (not trying to throw shade to anyone). Maybe it's rly all about luck and timing. 

And so with everything cooling down, perhaps it's a good time to give myself time and space to think if I'd want to continue on this journey anymore. Perhaps it's fault on my part, that I expected too much (i.e: an idea I was excited for; something that I expected it to resonante within readers & for it to take off soaring, might not be what the readers enjoy afterall.)

I don't know. I just feel v lost and disheartened I guess. And it just might be time for me to make a decision or two. To continue, to not continue, to continune but to change my lead characters up to something I prev didn't see myself writing but kinda am curious to try it/test it out since why I've nothing more to lose so why not but kind of afraid for another possibility of failure, hmm. I don't we'll see. I'm just rambling and venting at the moment coz it's rly been bugging me and I needed to get it out of my system. Ugh, Lord give me strength.

Peace out, againhello.