I kinda hate myself so much.

It’s kind of annoying that when I am slowly getting my confidence back, the people who are close to me are starting to shatter it down by making me feel like everything is my fault.

As you can see, I have a very bad case of acne going on all over my face. Our family have history of hormonal acne so basically, it has been passed down to me. So, ever since, me and my family has been trying to find ways to combat these acne since they won’t go away, at least, they would reduce a bit. There were times that my acne is not there, but recently, which is now, it has gone worse. I badly wanted to see the dermatologist to get myself treated but then my mother always tell me how expensive it is to get a help from the physician, that we don’t have money and all that stuff, so I decided to find ways to keep them (acne) calm a bit. I tried tea tree oil, aloe vera gel and all that stuff, which worked, honestly, on my first try at the beginning of the year, but this time around it works slower than the usual. Now, my mom scolds me that it was my fault that all these acne kept coming up, that I wasn’t taking care of myself and all that stuff and oh my goodness, am I the one to be blamed really? This acne has been in my blood since I was an embryo inside her tummy now why am I blamed when all I did was try to fix the issue myself in ways I could wince they couldn’t pay for the amount. I don’t get my parents at all, they always make me feel bad for us being poor and now they make me feel worse because of what I look. I am so dead inside, all I do is let them control me but I feel like it still is not enough. They make me feel as if I couldn’t turn to anyone, even them. I don’t want to hate them, but they are the main reason why I am so weak, I am so shy and stupid, and not confident about myself, this is why I cannot prove my worth to others, it’s because they cannot give me the assurance that I can and am a person of worth. This life .

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ilovekorea37 #1 Sep 23, 2017 15:27:15

Im sorry. I wish everyone would stop blaming you for your family's genetics

sleepingprince #2 Sep 23, 2017 12:47:48

I think you are probably still young to understand your parents hardship. Right now its really hard to earn and find money regardless where you are. Everywhere in the world is the same due to the bad economy world wide. I'm sure that if your parents can afford it , they surely will. Sometiems parents tend to say some hurtful things out of stress and anger at themselves. They felt angry because they cant give you all that you need . Someday when you grow up and start to work and understand life maybe you'l get what I say . Its okay to be poor because poor dosent define who you are and your ability to shine. They are many people who come from hard / poor background , but they too succeed in life. Its not easy to be honest but nothing is impossible. Maybe you can help by earning some pocket money on your own ? Work part time and save . Then when you have enough you can go see a dermatologist. Always remember that your look and background dosent define who you are and what you can do . Instead of focusing on your flaws , try to find your talent and special traits. Use it to your advantages. If you work hard and study well or maybe achieved many awards in any field that you like , people will changed their opinion / perception of you . As a family , reputation is build together . Everyone have their part and role. If you want to achieved great things in life , you must earned it on your own. Nothing comes easily . I come from poor background too . I understand how it feels. No matter what happen , never give up hope , always find ways to improve and upgrade yourself . Love your parents . At least they provide you with necessasity. I hope that you'l learn to accept and love yourself more regardless of the acne becajse inside of you there's more than that. Know that you are worth much more. Dont have to fit yourself in crazy beauty standard or anything. As long as you are healthy and the acne can be control its good enough. Stay strong and feel better soon.

icecoldbeer #3 Sep 23, 2017 12:40:24

Hello. I hope that you can find a way to get medical help. Skin problems can really affect self esteem and could stress you out, and most of the time our psychological well being affects the continuance of a breakout.
I have a hereditary skin problem as well which is atopic dermatitis. I feel you because going to the dermatologist is really expensive. Right now I'm undergoing treatment and I feel guilty about all the money my parents spent for my medication (we're kind of poor as well) but I have no choice because my skin is really itchy and it's starting to scar T_T
Anyway, I just want to say that you should not blame yourself and it is not your fault why you have that. I'm no expert but maybe you can try to look for a pattern on every time your condition becomes severe? What you eat, if you have enough sleep, or if you're stressed out. Then maybe you can try to avoid those? I wish I could help you. Maybe just message me if you feel like ranting or whatever. I hope you get better soon.

sleepingprince #4 Sep 23, 2017 12:28:04

I think i can understand you at some point since I do have acnes breakouts as well. Look is important but its not everything . Its good that you took meassures to prevent it from getting worse and at least took the effort to calm it down and all. But since its hormonal acne it will be quite hard to treat unless with the correct medication from the dermatologist. It will also take quite some time. I think what you can do right now is to practised self care , eat healthy food , do some exercise , make sure to take good care of your skin for example prevent touching , avoid oily food and etc... Avoid things that might triggered it. My dermatologist told me to avoid sweet food. So maybe you should too.