Hey, 

It's been months since I posted a blog here, I believe the last one was the day of my first exam. 

Well I finished my exams on the 22nd June, it was one of the worst times of my life...as the day before my second exam I was vomiting, crying, anxious and having panic attacks because I didn't want to take the exam for English which I had been failing since the begining of time really and I had asked to drop out within the first few months of my first year but the college said no. So I got no sleep and I was vomiting till the moment I entered that room already in tears and having a panic attack. As you can probably guess I had a massive panic attack and had to be removed from my 3hour 45minute exam and put else where till I 'calmed down' in their terms. After a panic attack I get super sleepy and can't concintrate so as you can probably tell they put me back into that exam and I didn't do anything other than two paragraphs cause my head was all over the place. 

I managed to get an emergancy appointment at the doctors the next day and I spoke to this really nice doctor like super nice and he assured me that I wasn't insane. I was diagnosed with Anxiety disorders, Depression, and OCD. I got some medication which worked wonders for me and I managed to go to my last exam not feeling a single ounce of anxiety. I did better on that one. 

Overall, I came out with 2 ALevels failing English which I knew I was going to anyway. 

I got an A in ALevel Photography and a C in Communication and Culture, so I am very happy with those results. 

I am supposed to be looking for a job, but since finishing I have entered a kind of slump where I have no energy or motivation to do anything and the thought of a job makes me feel sick...which is frustrating. I need cash. I keep getting into arguments with my mum about it, but I am looking I keep going through the sites just looking for jobs but the problem I have is I need a job that is within walking distance so something that is in my town cause it takes me 30-40 mins to walk down to the centre of town. The bus is 55p so it is nothing really but the only jobs going at the moment are in towns to far with costly bus journeys it would cost me £40 a week just for travel and I can't afford that kind of money. 

I am hoping once all the kids go back to school I will be able to get a job. A lot of kids get summer jobs so I am hoping that places free up, I have a handful of places in mind. At least I am trying right? I am not being a lazy ? I have been called so many names the past month that I just shut myself away. 

Anyhooo onto something a little more exciting

I am turning 19 this month woop woop, and I have wanted a Macbook Pro for years and my mum managed to get one for £300 yes a MACBOOK PRO FOR £300 IF THAT ISN'T A BARGAIN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS! 

It is so cool! I am using it for the first time today and I love it so much already! the screen is smaller than my previous laptop but damn you really can't tell a difference at all and I love it! I have already EXO fied it and put Chen's kokobop image as my screen background even though Xiumin is my bias I didn't really like any of his photos from the kokobop album like I did the others. What am I saying I loved all the damn photos cause they are all trying to kill me I swear! these boys are just a bunch of bias wreckers you think you have a bias and then the rest come out from behind said bias and go 'Oh nope look at me" soo yea my bias list is a mess right now all because of EXO but I am not even mad lol hahaha