Annyoung guys!!!

It’s NoonaYoung@yin again >.<”

Well, this blog will be a rollercoaster one. And so, do click the ‘Back’ button now or you will regret it, I swear.

So, today 24^th of July, Rafi oppa’s birthday – palelolelo and also the last day of Syawal which means today is the last day of celebrating Hari Raya. For Muslim, the month Syawal, after a month of fasting in Ramadhan, is the time for forgiveness. ‘Maaf Zahir dan Batin’ is what we will say to others and it means I’m sorry for all the conscious and unconscious actions/ words that had hurt you, emotionally/ physically. And today when I met up with the senior, which I nicknamed her as ‘Princess’, not because she was named that in Malay, but as of her characters, I had an urge of walking to her and say Maaf Zahir dan Batin to her. I know I dislike her and even hated her all this while for what she had done to me. Yet at the same time, I feel that at the end of the day, we’re all human and God is there to see and judge Himself. No matter what happened, let bygone be bygone. Still, in the end, I was a coward and I walked away after just saying a ‘Hi’ to her (which also took me some time to have the courage to do so).

As I said last week, I’m making a comeback here, to AFF. I don’t know when, but I swear AFF is part of my life. I can’t stay out of it even if it is just a day. Yet, when things outside AFF aren’t rosy and in fact turning towards downhill, I couldn’t but had to stop visiting here and keep myself alive out there.

Many had, perhaps read from my previous blog posts of how I was bullied in the office for being the youngest and newbie. Now, let me make it clear that my bosses, all of them in the top position, yes, top position means the director and so on, would never side me though they once said, you are my staff and I’ll take care of you. Never, it is all just a lie. And now, something even worse had happened. My boss wanted to have with me! I was totally at shocked when he approached me and asked for it openly. He is a doctor, and there are times I feel grateful for his advice, on work and personal matters. But that is not the way for someone to request something so horrible! He said – Having will improve our Boss-PA relationship. In my heart, I was screaming, idiot ert! This had happened a few times, and whenever he asked, I’ll find a way out. Yes, I’m a , you read it right, I’M A BLOODY . And I don’t think I’m a toy for you to satisfy your lust. I love my body. Just thinking about this right now makes me feel like crying. I just don’t understand why people love to take advantage of me. Tell me why!

Right now, I was given another task, to take care of another boss. Yes, being PA again. Though this boss doesn’t seem to have s or minds, but I feel drained. There are so many candidates available for the post, and yet I was chosen. And when this news got into my mom and brother’s ear, they lectured me for hours and days. I’ve had wanted to get out from here but I always hesitate at the very last minute being of the silly grateful feeling towards my boss which now turned into disgust and fear. I had applied for a transfer, but no one approved it. It is not that I don’t want to search for another job. But my resume doesn’t shine as bright as others. My education background compared to those of my age is considered dull. I’ve only school leaving certificate with me (though I’ve good grade, but because of some family issues and financial problem, I didn’t further my sturdies). I’ve plans too for my future. I want to have a degree too and hold a higher position with a better pay. Still, Rome is not built in a day. I need to work my way to get the fund as now price of everything is so damn cheap!

There are so many things running in my head day in and day out. I just feel so tight in my heart. I really need some peace in my life though I know everything that happened now is actually a test from God to see what I’ll do next. I know it is a challenge for me to grow wiser and mature. But, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. It is hard. Really hard.