I have an important exam trial next month. One that will show if I do better than my mid year exam, and one that is the sign that the awaited most important exam of all my high school years is nearing. 

Like most students, I hate school. I hate exams. I hate homework. But this is reality, so these things exist and therefore I, as a fellow surviving dying being need to endure tortures for years. Everything is, so I should not complain about my life. 

Since it's normal anyway. 

The frustration from studying, the high pressure parents and teachers force onto students, the lack of free time for individual activities which are consumed by heavy homework; all of this are normal by society's standard. 

What is my point? I don't know. When the weekday arrives everything will still be the same. The stress. The suppressed inner desire. 

To tell us students that school are supposed to be stressful is not helpful at all. It doesn't make us study more than we are now. I don't understand what make they think a pressure environment aids in making the students do more just to survive in their expectations. 

'It's school, of course it's not easy.'

'Of course you are stress! Nobody won't be stressful in school.'

My teachers, not all, but some always repeat sentences with meaning around those lines. It's.. I don't know. Why no adult question this rule? Is this the school that they want every students to have when they finished school? 

No adult, I swear, no one give students advice other than to ace the school and get a good work. Yes, it's important, and yes, that's why we are going to school, but are they expecting us to get good results with a system as such? 

How? How in the bloody hell they think we can study with so much pressure and earn the marks that they think are good? 

Those words discourage students, at least, they are for me. It doesn't make me work harder so I can pass through walls of stress and get to a higher education place. It makes me want to give up, because this kind of system is not something I like. 

I avoid the things that I hate. I only do something if I want to, so if I refuse to do it, then I don't do it. Pressure is never a thing I can handle, and I will go away as far as I can from something which can lead me to be stressed. 

I know, one voice doesn't matter. One failure doesn't equal to one success. I am not that important to school too. 

But I know there are students out there like me. Those that are crying over their low grades and thinking they are stupid. Those that think they are useless because they are only on the top five ranking, not the first one. 

Unfortunately I'm more similar to the latter statement. 

Where am I getting to, I wonder? 

My course work is still not done, I haven't start any single homework yet, and I have a test for Physic this Sunday. 

I lost my motivation since the start of this week, which mark the end of my holiday in my hometown. The difference in environment of the place I am currently live in, and my hometown is big.

I'm free from stress in my hometown, because the school is far away from me, so I I get no stress. 

But here, here is where the source of my stress is. I can be relax anymore, because pressure is just everywhere. 

This is no good, because I need my spirit to get me to study. I know, you call it laziness, and yes, I'm a big lazy proscratinator and nobody can deny that. 

But I don't want to study. 

I don't want to study yet I want to have a good grade. Stupid, right? 

Why do you think you can have a good grade if you don't put efforts to achieve it? 

I blame my lack of interest in the subjects for my zero effort. I blame my brain that can't memorize facts well for my unsatisfying marks. I blame my own self for what is me. 

Of course I can't get excellent grade if I'm being like this. 

Of course it is the students fault for not following teachers' advice and not doing homework that they have disgracing results. 

Of course. 

And of course the teachers enforce the vitality to more school works and additional classes for a solution to this problem. 

This blog is getting to it's end, yet I still don't know what's my point is. I just don't understand. There's so much I don't understand that I want to question.