[2017.06.27] 

I know you're not here, and you won't be able to see this. But here I am, wishing you a happy birthday for your 21st year of staying alive. It must be hard for you, and even though it has been 9 years since I left you behind alone, I still have regrets over it and no matter how many times I had already told you this, I still gonna say that I am sorry. Sorry for not keeping my promise to be with you through thick and thin when you were always there for me. Sorry for not being able to protect you and let you drown deeper into the darkness. Sorry for betraying you and made you suffer from all the abuse. Until at this moment, I can't erase the loud scream you made when you got hit by your mom, when you cried begging from her to stop. I was being an idiot for not doing anything to stop her, and I know this is not enough to make it up with you.

The last time we met is 4 years ago and since then, I've never stop praying that He will bring us together even for a moment. I just wanna know that you're enjoying your life in the right way, and to tell you how precious you are to me since we were kids. You're my first bestfriend that I ever had, my first oppa that declared me as his sister to all his friends when the fact is we are not related with blood at all...

 My first love.

You know what? I miss you so much, bud.

Here I wrote a story about us, and I ended up messing it since it hurts me whenever I have to recall everything we have shared together. How can a sweet memory turn something that is bitter to be remembered? I guess it's because of the sins that I've commited to you and I have to pay them this way. If this is the only way I can do so that you can have a better life, I can take it. 

As long as your smile is still there, it's okay if I am the one who have to endure the pain.

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.

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See you again on your 22nd birthday, hopefully.

With love,

Sab.