okay, first of all, sorry for the really crappy gift. i don't think i should be giving excuses but yeah. the lack of time (coz procrastination, mianhae;; ) and the lack of idea (yeah kinda why i procrastinated in the first place). sorry,, this layout stuff is vvv last-minute haha. it popped up in my mind so randomly the day before coz oh it's our monthsary and i didn't do anything for the most awesome, perfect, magnificent boyfriend ever hdffb i'm such a d*ck and it's not like i have any other choice anyway coz time,, .. so yeah, scroll down for a reeeeaalllly long letter i wrote for you a few weeks ago. (please bear with it bfdfbi it's really long like i poured my heart on it ehfbjvuye)

 

to my dearest Shin Hoseok, the love of my life, my companion, my lover, my one and only, (this is very long, prepare yourself)

wow, one month has passed eventho it felt like more than a month tbh, lol. i've been a lot happier ever since eventho i do have my emo moments but everything is more bearable now that i have you. frankly speaking, i never thought this will happen. you and me being together. the fact that i'm your boyfriend and all. it all started with a casual bRO and you sweet talking me haha but i never thought you'll actually develop a real crush on me;; i don't see anything special about me and i always question why but yeah. the confessions are so cute and when you first came for cuddles in dms it was awkward af i'm sorry i'm an awkward lil bub... urm and i always knew (guessed) the anon was you but i acted oblivious coz i wouldn't know what to do gdhdgfhdhjdi Dx

yeah then usual stuff happens yadayada and then there's april fools where we fool everyone tho it kinda failed but i had fun. then yadayada when i found about my ex, you were the first person i went to cry to. it may look like i'm using you or something and i felt really bad but you were already someone really special to me (kinda like older brother? ouch at that time okay pftt) and very trustworthy so i depended on you.

why are we talking about the past again? idk but looking back, i just think everything about us is interesting. we're really different. like i'm loud while you're calm. i get pissed easily while you're never mad. i'm an awkward lil bub while you have no shame at all lol. i'm always sad while you're a happy little pill. so yeah. i guess we just complete each other. haha.

it took awhile before we became official. i thought it would take longer tbh. i wanted to make sure you really do like me. and i needed the time to be ready for another relationship. it's not easy tho like the commitment and trust and anxiety and time and all and i don't get how some people are so obsessed in getting into one. maybe it's just me and my trust issues. idk. i tcc-ed to different girls. i tried to be wilder and uglier. i asked you questions. i tried to test you coz i wanted you to be sure. do you really like me? coz i'm tired of being a mistake. i'm really broken, i guess... but yeah, didn't took long coz you were there to care and slowly heal me. and i didn't want to lose a precious angel bestowed for me so yeah. i didn't want you to experience the pain of waiting, either. (okay that's emo, moving on-) so yea, i admit, i do love you.

yadayadyada you confessed on the 18th of april, but i was a jerk and said "but i prefer odd numbers" hahahAHAHAHAHA swEATS i'm so mean. facepalms. i'm still sorry about it. but yeah. on 12am 19th april, a month ago, you confessed again and SCREAMS I SAID YES oH YES I LOVE YOU TOO I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY IT BACK AND LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I FREAKING LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU but i always held back coz of my anxieties. god i'm so emotional like we've been together for a month. i'm so happy.. sobs.

but God, that was the happiest moment of my life like i felt like i was lighter and the world revolves around me and i could rule the world and maybe i could shoot lasers from my eyes and fly in the sky (i'm overreacting but yeah, that's what it felt like) and i want to hold you tight and shower you with tons of kisses and never let you go.

happy ever after doesn't end there. i knew there's like a long way to go and obstacles to face but if i have you, i know i'll be fine.

you're really amazing, hyung. one of a kind. one in... the only one. you're very patient no matter how emo i get or lie to you and how i yell at you and get angry and cry over the smallest things or when i throw a tantrum and whine like a little brat. you're very understanding when i'm at my worse, when i'm awkward and shy, when i couldn't sleep at night and you want to stay up with me, and mainly when i didn't know how to properly express my love. (maybe this is why the letter is so freaking long like i'm so bad at expressing it when you're around,,) you always know what to say, what to do to calm me down, what to do to cheer me up, how to remind me that you love me very much. like you once said, it's like you're made just for me. and i'm made just for you. we're made for each other.

we talked about poposal, about marriage (already?! ∑(ﾟДﾟ) ), about children, about kihyun being the grandma and our maid okjk gcgdhdj okay so maybe this is why it felt more than a month Dx we dream big, lmao. i really hope our dreams come true, you know? i will never stop crying if it never came true.

so yeah. looking back, it was one exciting ride. but, there's still a long journey to go. but i'm very sure, that i want to spend the whole journey with you.

i'm sorry i'm not perfect. i'm full of scars and flaws and ugli Dx i may be handsome, finger guns, but my heart is really icky and rusty and i'm just a bad person in general. you deserve the world while i'm just a small piece of rock. despite all that, you still love me and sometimes i want to ask, are you blind or are you blind? but you'll say something cheesy back so why bother, lmao.

so thank you, hyung. for everything. for being there for me when i'm happy or sad, for taking care of me all the time. but most importantly, for loving me no matter what. i could never repay them just as much but i will try, hyung. i will try to be the best lover you will ever have, to be there for you, to make you be the happiest man alive.

i love you very much, hyung. i really really really really really really really really really really really, inhales, really really really really really really do! i love you with all my heart. with all my soul. with all my body. with all my everything. i'm so scared of losing you, i hope i never do. i want you all to myself. i want you to be mine forever. coz i can't live without you. i will keep on living for you. i love you, hyung. i love you so very very so so so so so much. my baby, my man, my princess :^) hehe, most importantly, you're the love of my life. and if i have another life, i'll still love you.

once again, happy first monthsary to us! i feel so sentimental. wheezes. let's reach more monthsaries together, let's take a picture every year, let's love each other more and more everyday, despite the gray clouds and stormy days, let's last longer, let's cuddles after this, and yeah. let's never leave each other. let's always be there for each other. let's grow old together.

i love you, hyung. i will never get tired of saying it coz i really mean it with all my heart.

sincerely, from your puppy, your cute prince charming, your boyfriend, basically yours, Lee Minhyuk