I'm really not sure how this blog thing here works...But, I just feel like writting something that wasn't necessarly fanfiction. And, since all my friend base is hopelessly romantic I guess I can't really post this on my personal blog either...Here it goes!

I don't really like Valentine's Day. Honestly, I believe I'm one of those people who just wasn't made to be in a relationship. I find it too burdensome, and a huge responsability. To me, being in a relationship becomes another emotional crap I can't deal with, instead of a joy for love and support. I guess, I just treat my boyfriends the same way I treat every in my life.

But, on this day....Oh man, Everyone just LOVES rubbing in your face how lonely, and dry you are. How you have a rock in the place of your heart. And that's not cool! It's not like I'm doing it on purpose...I just have problems on this field, okay?

I'll probably just admit this here, since I don't know any of you personally (and because I'm sure no one is actually gonna bother to read it), but I do wonder if there's something wrong with me. Is it really true there's always someone for each one of us? Do we all born with the capacity of solving our emotional issues, and just be with someone?

All my previous relationships failed. I've been single for so long, that I just can't feel any kind of romantic pull towards anyone. These guys never wait! They just assume that after two dates, I'll be head over heels for them and I'll be ready to marry and have kids - Okay, I'm definitely overreacting here, but you see what I mean. Let's not even talk about the part! If I'm not attracted to these guys, how am I suppose to jump in bed with them? Even if I can split that part of my brain from my emotions, most of the time, it doesn't really work. It's just a complete misery!

Are there women who are so emotionly open that are able to do that? I don't! I hate feeling pressured. I hate doing something I don't want to! All the chances of developing something in the future, are completely ruined as soon as they try to climb off the friend zone too fast.

Maybe I really just want a friend. A guy best friend. Who doesn't make me nervous because I'll feel like I'm forced to give him some kind of attention that I'm not intrested off. You're supposed to feel butterflies of excitement - not plain "I wanna go home" panic! 

So, for those of you who actually have a valentine, or someone who makes you feel special on this day - hang on to them! In my short lived life, not even one person like this showed up, so they're pretty hard to find.

I'll try not to lose my hope, I guess. Maybe, I'm in the wrong place. Maybe, it's not meant to be, yet.

I just hope I'll recognize him, when he shows up...if he shows up. I have the incredible talent of screwing things up with men.

It's my special talent aha

Happy Valentine's Day! <3<3