as the title says , I'm finding an old story that I have redden before and  I can't seem to find it again . so I will try my luck by describing the story and maybe one of you have redden it so here we go ....

first of all it'saa rated m story,  and it take place in the old days as in the past but not historical (can't remember TT ) . anyways , kai is soldier in the story and in the past he was sent to some war  (Vietnam war I guess) but things took a twisted way as he was taken as a hostage and got abused and alot more but after some years or maybe month he was set free  (p.s. they don't tell you this at first you will out after reading it so it's kind of mystery)  however they start the story with his parents found him a girl who is 18 years old (because back days it was a tradtion to do so , and he is way older than her maybe 9,7 years old ) they get married and he kind of force her I dont know maybe to ehem ehem you know "" with him or maybe he was sweet with her.. But but she will fall inloeb with him later on so as he .... after some chapters kai will go to a war again like he won't come only after months .. by the time she make friends and they teach her how to be a good housewife and what to do and stuff... when he comes back he notice that she has became better and different in different ways so he thinks that she was cheating on him and here where the abuse starts he starts to treat her as a filthy human and stuff , at some chapters when he goes to another war he will have an affair with a woman and have a baby girl from her , so when comes home she didnt know at first and he didn't tell her but after some time she finds out and that will be a heartbreaking news to her but that didn't stop her from raising the baby as her own baby , let's skip to other chapters it when he had to travel to North Korea with his wife and his children ,his two children die there from hunger and sickness,  and his wife get there then he goes and kills the guy who her so they got to prison there and they start to abuse them and them and stuff,  but then they got free and go back to the south and they got treated mentally and physically,  and then will have a baby boy but that after accusing his wife of cheating on him with his best friend and threat her that he will kill her and him and his best friend falls in love with her and tells her to run away with him she liked him and he was good but she couldn't plah plah plah plah  at the end they live a happy life with thier kids , kai dies at 80 years old because he got depression... at the last chapter they will tell you that she went with her kids who are 23 and 20 years old to visit their dad's grave and after two weeks she dies in hope of meeting him in heaven where there in no abuse and hurt .....

that's what I remember and I can't stop thinking about it so please if anyone understood what the story is about and have readden it before tell me it's name .... and sorry to the author if I wrote something wrong ...