' 100424 ' KWON HAEBITNA
DID YOU KNOW HIM WELL, HAEBITNA?
LAMBHORNS IVY 10:10
Full Name: kwon haebitna 권해빛나
Other Aliases:
mon coeur a name used exculsively by her brother. it means my heart in french. her mother is also very liberal with the french terms of endearment.
mon coeur a name used exculsively by her brother. it means my heart in french. her mother is also very liberal with the french terms of endearment.
Birthday + Age: march first nineteen ninety-five ; fifteen years old
Birthplace: gomyun, seoul, sk
Hometown: gomyun, seoul, sk
Ethnicity: french-korean.
Languages:
korean her native language is korean. born and raised in seoul, she speaks no satoori and instead speaks standard korean.
french advanced. though french was spoken a lot in her home, her comprehension along with reading and writing is far better than her speaking skills.
korean her native language is korean. born and raised in seoul, she speaks no satoori and instead speaks standard korean.
french advanced. though french was spoken a lot in her home, her comprehension along with reading and writing is far better than her speaking skills.
Face Claim: wjsn's yeoreum
Backup: ioi's doyeon
Personality:
— instabilite: orchestre by shiro sagisu
how did you end up in such a desolate, hopeless place like this, ma bichette? hush hush dear, maman is here. your optimism is a gift in this place, a bright star cutting through the murky darkness. for someone so kind, so curious, so candid, so trusting, one would hardly assume you're familiar with life's cruelty. you never learn, do you? still, i am proud of you. even-keeled, soft spoken, calm, you truly are maman's trésor, non? you've always wanted to hear me say that, non? the same way i did to your brother? o, you see the positive in every situation and wear your light heart on your sleeve. a lot of things go over your head, don't they? you are genuinely confused when others lie or decieve. you have difficulty with sarcasm and hatred and general meanspiritedness, i wonder how long you plan on being protected by others? hmm? oh, nothing ma petite, you really are too curious for your own good. why must you ask questions that cross boundaries into another's privacy? you should know that prodding is impolite, go off on too many tangents and you'll loose yourself. your overstepping is ill-fitting of a young lady.
arrêtez, petite salope! on t'a bercé trop près du mur? even va niquer ta mère cannot handle your grating tenaciousness! why must you argue when you are opposed? you know you are no good at communicating when you're upset! fiche moi le pax, you know i cannot speak to you when you're like this. what, now you think i do not love you because maman raised her voice at you? because maman swore at you? because maman left you in an orphanage all alone? you're not making sense, ma haebitna. you tie together ideas that do not make sense, you're blowing everything out of proportion. merde, stop all this jumping to conclusions! your brother really did indulge your flights of fancy far too much. you know what? tell him i said, "bouffe ma queue calisse de "! what, are you crying now? vouz avez plein de merde. you're always like this. you cry and cry until you shut down and become unresponsive, you petulant . you're so pathetic, thinking your tears can change anything. you are weak. you are useless. you burden everyone, especially your beloved brother. mange de la merde et meurs, pute! now you're apologizing? you read into maman's words too much, ma belle. why must you be so sad all the time? is it because you think maman's mean? is maman cruel towards you? maman is proud of you for wearing an even-keeled smile to mask the hollowness inside your chest. look at you, you are beaming from a simple compliment from maman! are you surprised maman knows you're empty inside? maman knows everything. seriously, tu es completement débile.
traits.
wholesome, kindly, curious, willful, dolorous, irrational, pettish.
"ma petite patate, ma fille, ma haebitna."
a term of endearment used for children, with the connotation that the child must be protected but that they are capable of growing in the cruel world.
— instabilite: orchestre by shiro sagisu
how did you end up in such a desolate, hopeless place like this, ma bichette? hush hush dear, maman is here. your optimism is a gift in this place, a bright star cutting through the murky darkness. for someone so kind, so curious, so candid, so trusting, one would hardly assume you're familiar with life's cruelty. you never learn, do you? still, i am proud of you. even-keeled, soft spoken, calm, you truly are maman's trésor, non? you've always wanted to hear me say that, non? the same way i did to your brother? o, you see the positive in every situation and wear your light heart on your sleeve. a lot of things go over your head, don't they? you are genuinely confused when others lie or decieve. you have difficulty with sarcasm and hatred and general meanspiritedness, i wonder how long you plan on being protected by others? hmm? oh, nothing ma petite, you really are too curious for your own good. why must you ask questions that cross boundaries into another's privacy? you should know that prodding is impolite, go off on too many tangents and you'll loose yourself. your overstepping is ill-fitting of a young lady.
arrêtez, petite salope! on t'a bercé trop près du mur? even va niquer ta mère cannot handle your grating tenaciousness! why must you argue when you are opposed? you know you are no good at communicating when you're upset! fiche moi le pax, you know i cannot speak to you when you're like this. what, now you think i do not love you because maman raised her voice at you? because maman swore at you? because maman left you in an orphanage all alone? you're not making sense, ma haebitna. you tie together ideas that do not make sense, you're blowing everything out of proportion. merde, stop all this jumping to conclusions! your brother really did indulge your flights of fancy far too much. you know what? tell him i said, "bouffe ma queue calisse de "! what, are you crying now? vouz avez plein de merde. you're always like this. you cry and cry until you shut down and become unresponsive, you petulant . you're so pathetic, thinking your tears can change anything. you are weak. you are useless. you burden everyone, especially your beloved brother. mange de la merde et meurs, pute! now you're apologizing? you read into maman's words too much, ma belle. why must you be so sad all the time? is it because you think maman's mean? is maman cruel towards you? maman is proud of you for wearing an even-keeled smile to mask the hollowness inside your chest. look at you, you are beaming from a simple compliment from maman! are you surprised maman knows you're empty inside? maman knows everything. seriously, tu es completement débile.
traits.
wholesome, kindly, curious, willful, dolorous, irrational, pettish.
STEPFORD SMILER ¦ EVERYONES BABY SISTER ¦ PHLEGMATIC ¦ INFP
sara crewe a little princess
Background:
— l'apôtre de la lune by shiro sagisu
chapter one.
she's born and she feels warmth wrap around her. there's something bright above her, making her dark eyelids tinge red. she opens her eyes and looks into his face, bright and round. his leaning in to kiss her, and she simply watches, eyes wide. his lips, small and pink and wet connect to her forehead, and then to her cheek. he rubs his ungainly hand against her head as he smiles at her.
"haebitna, ma petite patate, meet your brother, hanbyeol."
chapter two.
their household is filled with crepes and pajeon. her mother coos at her in a smooth mixture of korean and french, while her father is not around. from the day she was born, her brother watched over her. he played with her, he soothed her when she cried, he'd help maman change her diaper. since he's two years older, he guides her through life. he holds her hand as she learns how to walk.
she loves him. loves him dearly. he teaches her how to shine bright, and to sparkle. he's her guiding star. even as they age, their intimate bond does not fade.
she's only half asleep when he enters the house and kicks off his shoes. he's about to shout that he's home when he sees her body on the couch. she had yet to change out of her school uniform, the sheer black tights on her pretty legs leading up to her school skirt and cardigan. he smiles and mutters something, probably about how she's gonna wrinkle her uniform like that. he leans over her and kisses her forehead.
"i'm home, mon coeur."
chapter three.
he's changed. he's not shining as brightly as he used to. he doesn't smile as much as he used to. he only does so when maman talks to him.
he comes home with bruises that he tries to hide. he loses interest in his hobbies. his appetite changes and he loses a lot of weight. he seems to zone out a lot more. he seems hesitant to part ways with her when they walk to school, instead looking at the view of her back as she walks away with forlorn eyes.
"oppa, is everything alright? i'm really worried about you. you're not acting like yourself."
"hm? oh, pardon mon coeur. did oppa make you worry? i'm just... very stressed because of school. but you're very sweet for worrying about me."
"of course i worry about you, oppa! i love you."
"and of course, i love you as well, mon coeur."
chapter four.
her eyes widen to the size of golfballs, cold sweat cascading down her ashen skin. she can feel her heart pounding in , making it hard to breathe. her heart and lungs were working fast as a car engine, so fast that it hurt. non. her weak, trembling legs couldn't support her. non. her head was spinning so fast it made her dizzy. non.
hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeo l is dead hanbyeol s dead hanbyeol is
"dead."
chapter five.
he leaves a note for her.
"mon coeur, my dearest haebitna.
tu m'aimes? je n'aime que toi.
i know you must be mad at oppa right now, if you're reading this. i'm sorry for being selfish and leaving you behind, i truly am. i didn't mean to leave this world alone. i tried to send you off first as you slept, so that we could be together in peaceful eternity. but you looked so beautiful as you slept, mon petit chaton, that i could not bring myself to disturb you.
the reason i went to such desperate measures was to make it all stop, mon coeur. that bastard... after class, under the guise of talking about my grades, his hands touched me everywhere. he held me down and marked me as his without my consent. i told someone in hopes they could help me, mon coeur, but they all me. each and every day i endured at gomyun was a living hell, and my only solace was you. and yet, i could not find complete peace with you, as you were concerned for my well being. i forced a smile for you, mon coeur, so you would not worry about me. it was when you were smiling as if nothing was wrong that i truly felt at peace. when i told maman, she screamed at me and called me all sorts of terrible things, blaming it all on me. i guess that was a contributing reason as to why i'm writing this. i apologize for rambling, mon coeur.
tu es ma joie de vivre. mon amour pour toi est aussi grand que le monde, so keep on living for me. we'll meet each other again."
chapter six.
she's fourteen years old when her life falls apart without her guiding star. she's fourteen when maman no longer loves her. she's fourteen when maman abandons her at the doorstep of an orphanage.
she's the oldest one there, and the halmeoni in charge expects her to watch after all the children. it's tough work and she hates it, but then she remembers how he smiled when he was suffering and smiles, too. she forces herself to be cheerful, even though she feels empty inside. the younger kids at the orphanage are relying on her just as she relied on her brother. she smiles for them, only crying in the middle of the night when she's all alone.
and she truly is all alone. oppa left her, maman left her, papa was never in the picture. all there is in the world is haebitna.
chapter seven.
she's forced to start school at gomyun beecause it's closest to the orphanage. the very first day of high school, she was almost late to the entrance ceremony because she had to walk all the kids to school. people whisper as they see her running across campus with wind disturbed hair and a grin on her face.
she's terrified of the daunting school that killed her brother, but she smiles to hide it all. she smiles so brightly that it disgusts the cynical students at gomyun.
her grades aren't spectacular but they aren't terrible. she struggles in some subjects and excels in others. she likes korean literature and history and art, but she dislikes math and gym and science. she doesn't have many friends and she's only really on friendly terms with her classmates.
she doesn't like going home after school, because home for her is an orphanage where she has to watch over a bunch of rowdy children. instead, she stays inside the school building as late as she can. she's a member of the art club. it's after an art club meeting ends, and she's simply wandering the now empty halls of gomyun, orange-ish pink light pouring in from the windows and painting her figure. there's a stirring from one of the classrooms and she sees her chemistry teacher sitting at his desk going over some lesson plans and assignments.
"goodness, haebitna. you scared me. what on earth are you doing here so late?"
"forgive me, sir. i just... don't want to go home yet."
"are there problems at home? you can talk to me if so, haebitna."
something about the way he says her name and glances her way puts her on edge.
"nothing's wrong sir."
"then, would you like to help me grade some papers?"
she crosses the threshold into the lion's den. she pulls up a chair and sits beside him, following his grading rubric.
"is there anything about the class that needs improving? i noticed that you're not exactly doing the best. are you struggling?"
"oh... um, i suppose i am, sir."
"have you considered hagwon? supplemental instruction?"
"i can't afford that, sir."
"well, if there's ever anything you don't understand, just come see me after class. i don't mind helping you."
"you're very kind, sir."
he's leaning in closer to her. why?
"it's my job. and besides, you're a good girl haebitna. you're like a lost little lamb."
chapter eight.
"no, stop! don't——hanbyeol oppa! au secours! help me!"
he's rubbing his rough and calloused hands against the smooth and untainted skin of her supple, underdeveloped s. she's thrashing about wildly, swinging her arms everywhere in hopes of hitting him. her screams pierce through the uncomfortably tranquil silence of gomyun. she breaks free from his grasp with all of her struggling and bolts out the door, running aimlessly. she doesn't even bother looking back to see if he's pursuing her.
she's running through the empty halls, uniform all crumpled and messy, tears in her eyes. she doesn't know how long she's running.
she runs into someone's torso and the tears fall harder as she grips their arm with force she didn't even know she had. she looks up at their face, it's hard to get a good look with bleary eyes. but it's not him. it's not the bastard who—
she cries even more, this time relief mixed in with distress and anger and fear.
chapter nine.
"what's your name?"
it's a simple question, but it feels odd to her at this moment. she glances up from the spot against his chest where her forehead had rested.
"h-haebitna."
"haebitna? you look really pathetic when you cry like that." she frowns, still clinging to his blazer as she tries to force the tears to stop. he's cold, she can feel it. colder than ice. but for now, he's her only source of comfort so she presses her forehead against his chest once again.
"pat my head."
"what?"
"please."
she doesn't expect him to, but he does. he pats her head as her tiny frame shakes like a leaf in late autumn and for the first time, she doesn't feel so alone.
"i'm sorry..."
"jiyong. i'm a second year."
"i'm sorry jiyong oppa."
"get home."
chapter ten.
everything is dark.
there's been a massacre.
the pit of her stomach sinks.
is he okay?
bien fait por ta guele.
the feeling of being slapped in the face by circumstances out of one's control.
— l'apôtre de la lune by shiro sagisu
chapter one.
she's born and she feels warmth wrap around her. there's something bright above her, making her dark eyelids tinge red. she opens her eyes and looks into his face, bright and round. his leaning in to kiss her, and she simply watches, eyes wide. his lips, small and pink and wet connect to her forehead, and then to her cheek. he rubs his ungainly hand against her head as he smiles at her.
"haebitna, ma petite patate, meet your brother, hanbyeol."
chapter two.
their household is filled with crepes and pajeon. her mother coos at her in a smooth mixture of korean and french, while her father is not around. from the day she was born, her brother watched over her. he played with her, he soothed her when she cried, he'd help maman change her diaper. since he's two years older, he guides her through life. he holds her hand as she learns how to walk.
she loves him. loves him dearly. he teaches her how to shine bright, and to sparkle. he's her guiding star. even as they age, their intimate bond does not fade.
she's only half asleep when he enters the house and kicks off his shoes. he's about to shout that he's home when he sees her body on the couch. she had yet to change out of her school uniform, the sheer black tights on her pretty legs leading up to her school skirt and cardigan. he smiles and mutters something, probably about how she's gonna wrinkle her uniform like that. he leans over her and kisses her forehead.
"i'm home, mon coeur."
chapter three.
he's changed. he's not shining as brightly as he used to. he doesn't smile as much as he used to. he only does so when maman talks to him.
he comes home with bruises that he tries to hide. he loses interest in his hobbies. his appetite changes and he loses a lot of weight. he seems to zone out a lot more. he seems hesitant to part ways with her when they walk to school, instead looking at the view of her back as she walks away with forlorn eyes.
"oppa, is everything alright? i'm really worried about you. you're not acting like yourself."
"hm? oh, pardon mon coeur. did oppa make you worry? i'm just... very stressed because of school. but you're very sweet for worrying about me."
"of course i worry about you, oppa! i love you."
"and of course, i love you as well, mon coeur."
chapter four.
her eyes widen to the size of golfballs, cold sweat cascading down her ashen skin. she can feel her heart pounding in , making it hard to breathe. her heart and lungs were working fast as a car engine, so fast that it hurt. non. her weak, trembling legs couldn't support her. non. her head was spinning so fast it made her dizzy. non.
hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeol is dead hanbyeo l is dead hanbyeol s dead hanbyeol is
"dead."
chapter five.
he leaves a note for her.
"mon coeur, my dearest haebitna.
tu m'aimes? je n'aime que toi.
i know you must be mad at oppa right now, if you're reading this. i'm sorry for being selfish and leaving you behind, i truly am. i didn't mean to leave this world alone. i tried to send you off first as you slept, so that we could be together in peaceful eternity. but you looked so beautiful as you slept, mon petit chaton, that i could not bring myself to disturb you.
the reason i went to such desperate measures was to make it all stop, mon coeur. that bastard... after class, under the guise of talking about my grades, his hands touched me everywhere. he held me down and marked me as his without my consent. i told someone in hopes they could help me, mon coeur, but they all me. each and every day i endured at gomyun was a living hell, and my only solace was you. and yet, i could not find complete peace with you, as you were concerned for my well being. i forced a smile for you, mon coeur, so you would not worry about me. it was when you were smiling as if nothing was wrong that i truly felt at peace. when i told maman, she screamed at me and called me all sorts of terrible things, blaming it all on me. i guess that was a contributing reason as to why i'm writing this. i apologize for rambling, mon coeur.
tu es ma joie de vivre. mon amour pour toi est aussi grand que le monde, so keep on living for me. we'll meet each other again."
chapter six.
she's fourteen years old when her life falls apart without her guiding star. she's fourteen when maman no longer loves her. she's fourteen when maman abandons her at the doorstep of an orphanage.
she's the oldest one there, and the halmeoni in charge expects her to watch after all the children. it's tough work and she hates it, but then she remembers how he smiled when he was suffering and smiles, too. she forces herself to be cheerful, even though she feels empty inside. the younger kids at the orphanage are relying on her just as she relied on her brother. she smiles for them, only crying in the middle of the night when she's all alone.
and she truly is all alone. oppa left her, maman left her, papa was never in the picture. all there is in the world is haebitna.
chapter seven.
she's forced to start school at gomyun beecause it's closest to the orphanage. the very first day of high school, she was almost late to the entrance ceremony because she had to walk all the kids to school. people whisper as they see her running across campus with wind disturbed hair and a grin on her face.
she's terrified of the daunting school that killed her brother, but she smiles to hide it all. she smiles so brightly that it disgusts the cynical students at gomyun.
her grades aren't spectacular but they aren't terrible. she struggles in some subjects and excels in others. she likes korean literature and history and art, but she dislikes math and gym and science. she doesn't have many friends and she's only really on friendly terms with her classmates.
she doesn't like going home after school, because home for her is an orphanage where she has to watch over a bunch of rowdy children. instead, she stays inside the school building as late as she can. she's a member of the art club. it's after an art club meeting ends, and she's simply wandering the now empty halls of gomyun, orange-ish pink light pouring in from the windows and painting her figure. there's a stirring from one of the classrooms and she sees her chemistry teacher sitting at his desk going over some lesson plans and assignments.
"goodness, haebitna. you scared me. what on earth are you doing here so late?"
"forgive me, sir. i just... don't want to go home yet."
"are there problems at home? you can talk to me if so, haebitna."
something about the way he says her name and glances her way puts her on edge.
"nothing's wrong sir."
"then, would you like to help me grade some papers?"
she crosses the threshold into the lion's den. she pulls up a chair and sits beside him, following his grading rubric.
"is there anything about the class that needs improving? i noticed that you're not exactly doing the best. are you struggling?"
"oh... um, i suppose i am, sir."
"have you considered hagwon? supplemental instruction?"
"i can't afford that, sir."
"well, if there's ever anything you don't understand, just come see me after class. i don't mind helping you."
"you're very kind, sir."
he's leaning in closer to her. why?
"it's my job. and besides, you're a good girl haebitna. you're like a lost little lamb."
chapter eight.
"no, stop! don't——hanbyeol oppa! au secours! help me!"
he's rubbing his rough and calloused hands against the smooth and untainted skin of her supple, underdeveloped s. she's thrashing about wildly, swinging her arms everywhere in hopes of hitting him. her screams pierce through the uncomfortably tranquil silence of gomyun. she breaks free from his grasp with all of her struggling and bolts out the door, running aimlessly. she doesn't even bother looking back to see if he's pursuing her.
she's running through the empty halls, uniform all crumpled and messy, tears in her eyes. she doesn't know how long she's running.
she runs into someone's torso and the tears fall harder as she grips their arm with force she didn't even know she had. she looks up at their face, it's hard to get a good look with bleary eyes. but it's not him. it's not the bastard who—
she cries even more, this time relief mixed in with distress and anger and fear.
chapter nine.
"what's your name?"
it's a simple question, but it feels odd to her at this moment. she glances up from the spot against his chest where her forehead had rested.
"h-haebitna."
"haebitna? you look really pathetic when you cry like that." she frowns, still clinging to his blazer as she tries to force the tears to stop. he's cold, she can feel it. colder than ice. but for now, he's her only source of comfort so she presses her forehead against his chest once again.
"pat my head."
"what?"
"please."
she doesn't expect him to, but he does. he pats her head as her tiny frame shakes like a leaf in late autumn and for the first time, she doesn't feel so alone.
"i'm sorry..."
"jiyong. i'm a second year."
"i'm sorry jiyong oppa."
"get home."
chapter ten.
everything is dark.
there's been a massacre.
the pit of her stomach sinks.
is he okay?
"c'est l'jue ma pov' lucette, mon coeur, ma petite soeur."
a reminder of the harshness of life, and that one should never let difficulties overwhelm them.
Trivia:
is a member of the art club! she specializes in paintings. her dream is to someday have work in a european ( either french or swedish ) art gallery. in the meantime, she'd like to be a french teacher.
she's a bit of a grandma. has "old lady" hobbies like knitting, drinking tea, reading, doing crossword puzzles, and doing arts and crafts. plus she has everything anyone could need in her school bag, tells lame jokes, and falls asleep as early as possible.
really loves classical music and orchestral music. her brother used to play the violin and the piano and she'd always listen to him practice.
owns more books in french than she does in korean.
is really into crime shows, even more so since halmeoni pretty much only watches true crime stuff on tv. she's considered becoming a forensic criminologist, but would rather teach french.
is a member of the art club! she specializes in paintings. her dream is to someday have work in a european ( either french or swedish ) art gallery. in the meantime, she'd like to be a french teacher.
she's a bit of a grandma. has "old lady" hobbies like knitting, drinking tea, reading, doing crossword puzzles, and doing arts and crafts. plus she has everything anyone could need in her school bag, tells lame jokes, and falls asleep as early as possible.
really loves classical music and orchestral music. her brother used to play the violin and the piano and she'd always listen to him practice.
owns more books in french than she does in korean.
is really into crime shows, even more so since halmeoni pretty much only watches true crime stuff on tv. she's considered becoming a forensic criminologist, but would rather teach french.
Relationships:
kwon hanbyeol.
"how did you feel about him? your brother?" carolyn treads around the subject carefully, knowing it's a bit of a tender wound.
"'quand il me prend dans ses bras, il me parle tout bas, je vois la vie en rose'. it's from a song by edith paif, la vie en rose."
he loves her unconditionally. she loves him unconditionally. he makes her feel warm and lovely with the way he tucks her hair behind her ears. he's the only man in her life, and she's wanted to marry someone like him for as long as she can remember. they connected, maybe more than siblings should be.
the way he calls her his heart is a bit too amorous. the way he gazes upon her frame is more than simple adoration. the way her heart swells when he's around is more than how a younger sister cares for her older brother.
do jiyong.
"why would you want to be around a... a piece of like that?" carolyn spits the word out as if she's spitting on his grave. he's responsible for saehyun's—
"to you he's the serpent, but to me, he's adam."
he was the first person to show her familiar affection. even if it was cold. even if it was brief. he was the first person to let her cry since hanbyeol died. and even though he's evil, even though he's the snake in the garden of eden, he's her adam.
maybe he was only kind——as kind as do jiyong can be——to her because he was planning on corrupting her in some way. but either way he was kind. he made her feel as if she wasn't alone, going along with her projection of her brother onto he who was the opposite of hanbyeol. he humored her. and the more he humors her, the more she projects her want and need for her brother to love her onto him.
maybe he despised her. maybe he enjoyed her company just the slightest bit. only he knows the answer. but if he asked, she'd give him all of her, just like she would for hanbyeol.
heo saehyun.
"what about saehyun?" carolyn freezes as she awaits the younger girl's response.
"i don't know him."
to haebitna, heo saehyun is simply a figure tied to gomyun. she only knew him by reputation, through the rumors and whispers that travel gomyun's walls. jiyong oppa never talked about him around her. she feels sorry for him, though.
carolyn kwon.
"what do you think of me?"
"don't you hate me?"
"why would i hate you?"
"because of jiyong oppa."
how does carolyn see haebitna? someone to protect or someone who she can take out her ever-changing moods on?
the children at the orphanage.
she doesn't know how to start off this question without sounding rude. "how—what is it like to live in a place like that? the orphanage."
"am i a despicable person if i say i hate it?"
"why do you hate it?"
"a kid shouldn't have to take care of kids."
she wants to be like her brother but she can't. she can't watch over them all with a smile on her face. they pull her in every direction selfishly, without a care for her feelings. she wishes she didn't have to put up with them. she wishes she could escape.
kwon hanbyeol.
"how did you feel about him? your brother?" carolyn treads around the subject carefully, knowing it's a bit of a tender wound.
"'quand il me prend dans ses bras, il me parle tout bas, je vois la vie en rose'. it's from a song by edith paif, la vie en rose."
he loves her unconditionally. she loves him unconditionally. he makes her feel warm and lovely with the way he tucks her hair behind her ears. he's the only man in her life, and she's wanted to marry someone like him for as long as she can remember. they connected, maybe more than siblings should be.
the way he calls her his heart is a bit too amorous. the way he gazes upon her frame is more than simple adoration. the way her heart swells when he's around is more than how a younger sister cares for her older brother.
do jiyong.
"why would you want to be around a... a piece of like that?" carolyn spits the word out as if she's spitting on his grave. he's responsible for saehyun's—
"to you he's the serpent, but to me, he's adam."
he was the first person to show her familiar affection. even if it was cold. even if it was brief. he was the first person to let her cry since hanbyeol died. and even though he's evil, even though he's the snake in the garden of eden, he's her adam.
maybe he was only kind——as kind as do jiyong can be——to her because he was planning on corrupting her in some way. but either way he was kind. he made her feel as if she wasn't alone, going along with her projection of her brother onto he who was the opposite of hanbyeol. he humored her. and the more he humors her, the more she projects her want and need for her brother to love her onto him.
maybe he despised her. maybe he enjoyed her company just the slightest bit. only he knows the answer. but if he asked, she'd give him all of her, just like she would for hanbyeol.
heo saehyun.
"what about saehyun?" carolyn freezes as she awaits the younger girl's response.
"i don't know him."
to haebitna, heo saehyun is simply a figure tied to gomyun. she only knew him by reputation, through the rumors and whispers that travel gomyun's walls. jiyong oppa never talked about him around her. she feels sorry for him, though.
carolyn kwon.
"what do you think of me?"
"don't you hate me?"
"why would i hate you?"
"because of jiyong oppa."
how does carolyn see haebitna? someone to protect or someone who she can take out her ever-changing moods on?
the children at the orphanage.
she doesn't know how to start off this question without sounding rude. "how—what is it like to live in a place like that? the orphanage."
"am i a despicable person if i say i hate it?"
"why do you hate it?"
"a kid shouldn't have to take care of kids."
she wants to be like her brother but she can't. she can't watch over them all with a smile on her face. they pull her in every direction selfishly, without a care for her feelings. she wishes she didn't have to put up with them. she wishes she could escape.
Grade Year: first year
Life in Gomyun: she's an average student with average grades, just another fresh face in the sea of first year students. haebitna is a member of the art club and specializes in painting. she often lingers around the school after her club meetings are done so she doesn't have to go back to the orphanage until she absolutely has to. she doesn't have any friends, but is friendly with all of her classmates. the closest person in gomyun she considers a friend would be do jiyong, and even then he's more of like a surrogate big brother.
her elbows press into her sides and she tries to make herself as small as possible. she's looking around, staring but not seeing. she looks like she's unable to speak for a moment, stammering. "it felt like..." she speaks slowly, possibly to hide the tremors in her voice. "everything was moving too fast to process. it feels like my heart's gonna explode. i'm scared."
What was the first thing that came to your mind when the blackout came about?
she presses her knees together, looking up at the ceiling as she recalled the first thing that came to her mind. "i suppose it wasn't actually a thought, but a sort of sinking-submerging feeling. as if the darkness was swallowing me up." she forces a watery smile, "after that i was like 'when did i become so afraid of the dark?'."
Do you have a feeling you know who's responsible?
"no." she states plainly, with only a little shake of her head. "sure there are students who seem to be more easy to blame than others, but anyone can be a killer. there's a difference between justice and truth that i think not everyone understands..." her voice trails off, and you wonder if she's only saying this because the majority suspect do jiyong had something to do with this whole thing.
Did you know any of the five personally, most likely Saehyun?
she shook her head slowly, lowering her chin and biting down on her lip. "i didn't know any of them, but i knew of them. of saehyun, i mean. rumors spread fast but i never really paid any attention to them. i've maybe seen his face once, but i can't quite remember."
If you could uncover the truth, where would you start looking first?
"we should start with an investigation into the personal lives of the victims. any trouble they were having, any relationships, isn't that the best place to start? inwards?" she looks pallor as her fists clench and unclench in her lap. "because if i would've payed more attention to oppa's school life maybe i could've——" she cuts herself off with a brisk shake of her head and biting down on her lower lip. her eyes are misty, sparkling. "i want to find jiyong oppa, so he can prove to me——to everyone——that he didn't do this."
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