Yesterday I confessed to my crush. It was the second time... the first time, they flat-out rejected me. This time, they smiled and hugged me, said they were honored, and that they'd think about it.

Today they called me and said they're not ready for a relationship and they don't feel the same way about me. That's what they said the first time. 

I feel so let down. I've loved them for 4 years. They're the only person I've ever had a crush on. I thought i was too young to feel love but they made me feel love. I waited years until I was 16 so i could finally be old enough to date and old enough to ask them out. They make me feel special and feel alive. My friend told me to cry, listen to sad songs, and then put on pretty makeup and y clothes and make them wish they had me. That's what I do almost every day at school and not once have they wished they had me. I've been through their side through everything, through all their awful, cheating boyfriends. We're best friends. I thought I had a chance. I thought that they were giving me hints that they liked me. They treat me so gently, so specially compared to their other friends. I've always thought we were meant to be. But I'm so let down. I wish I could get over them and move on to someone new. I'm really gay and really poly, so why won't my heart make room for anyone else? I wish my heart was like a radio or phone or walkie talkie. Then i could turn off the channel that makes me feel things for them and open a new channel that lets me feel things for someone new. Why does love have to be this way?