Hi ^^ so I’m finally back!! I’ve been gone for most of this semester and I haven’t been on here nearly as often as I used to. I probably don’t know about whatever new things have happened to you guys and new stories that and updates that have happened in the past few months, and I can’t catch up on it all because there’s too much… but now that it’s winter break, I’ll be checking back on aff a lot more often ^^ I apologize for the long hiatus and I’ll see if I can update some of my stories or possibly start a new one? I’ve been thinking about one for a few weeks now and I would love to write it but I need to finish my current one first…

Anyways, here are the major things that have happened to me these past few months. I know not all of you want to read a super long blog post (the formatting is also weird because I typed this up in a google doc and then copy pasted because I didn’t want to type it all on the aff blog post thing at first) so I’ll put down general statements to those of you who only want the main ideas and get into more detail later lol:

1. School has been ehh and I’ve fallen behind a lot in academics, and I’m very nearly done with college apps.

2. I joined the journalism staff for my school’s news magazine (don’t remember if I mentioned this before but oh well I’m mentioning it again) and I love working there even though it’s stressful sometimes.

3. I’m quitting martial arts.

4. I have a job.

5. I started (and stopped) using this app called Chatous to talk to strangers online and it’s been… interesting.

6. I was supposed to go to CL’s Hello Bi+ches tour in San Francisco but stuff happened and I didn’t go.

7. I have a boyfriend.

8. I made a studygram and I’m starting a bullet journal.

9. I have new kpop albums.

To find out more about the above stuff in more detail keep reading XD

I told myself I was going to do well senior year, and it’s my fault because… I wish I could blame it on the 3 AP/Honor classes I’m taking this semester, but it’s not that. It’s just because I’ve gotten lazy. I paid the price already, and my gpa this semester is looking much, much lower (a full point lower ahaha I ing cry ._.)  than the lowest I’ve ever gotten. I have a very small chance of getting an A in my physio (physiology) class and a slightly higher chance of getting an A in my journalism class. There’s also a chance that my C in econ might end up being a B instead but… I don’t know. Anyways, finals are over, school’s out for winter break, and there’s really nothing I can do about that now but do better next semester. Colleges are going to look at my high school transcript and I can literally see them going like “hmm good she’s done pretty well good grades upwards grade trend OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HER FIRST SEMESTER SENIOR YEAR” LOL OMFG. I regret it because when each college I applied to (I’m almost done, just two more applications to go) comes out with their decisions, I won’t be able to fully celebrate because they might rescind me after a few months when my first semester transcripts come in. I don’t know how things are outside of the US, but if you apply to college and you get accepted but you slack off first and second semester senior year and your grades go down, they’ll change their minds and be like “lol never mind you’re a slacker and we don’t want you”. Overall, my total high school gpa won’t be affected /too/ much because I’ve always kept my grades up, but… they’re going to see the drop and wonder what happened. LOL

Journalism. During my junior year I applied to be on my school’s news magazine during my senior year and I got accepted. Our school takes our news magazine pretty seriously lol and we have the physical magazine and an online platform, which is basically a magazine by itself in that we publish something every day instead of once a month. We call the physical magazine print, and the online platform/website multimedia. When I first applied I chose to be in print, but ended up in multimedia instead. I thought things would be hard because I don’t know about video editing and infographics and podcasts and other visual multimedia things, and it has been hard, but I absolutely love the class because even though it’s hard, it’s all worth it. I actually hate interviewing people (people sometimes reject interviews because they’re nervous or think they’ll mess up while talking LOL THE INTERVIEWER GETS NERVOUS TOO YOU THINK YOU’RE NERVOUS I’M EVEN MORE NEROUS LOL). To this day I still don’t know how to video edit or take good pictures. I’m always asking everyone else on staff for help because I still don’t know what I’m doing. It’s stressful trying to get through all the edits in time (before any content goes up, it has to go through six rounds of edits). Deadlines are stressful. But I’ve met new people and I love working with them and there’s such a strong sense of community and even though I didn’t end up in print like I had originally applied for, I love it in multimedia because people in multimedia tend to be more extroverted and outgoing (I’m only that way around a few people LOL) and i love the community and the way we have more freedom than print (if you don’t have things done by the deadline in print you up the entire magazine and let the entire staff and school down and there’s so much pressure, but multimedia deadlines are considerably less stressful because it’s just going to be published to our website, and things are more flexible. I don’t exactly want to pursue journalism in the future (I like the idea of providing people with the truth and writing stories but I can’t work under pressure or under deadlines without panicking; I actually joined the journalism staff because I wanted to improve my writing because all I write is fanfiction and I want to be able to relearn how to write journalistically (I took Writing for Publication my freshman year, and that was basically an introduction to journalism)) but I still love it.

I’ve been doing tae kwon do for over seven years now and even though it’s become less of a thing that I truly enjoy, it’s still a huge part of my life. I’ve been going so often for so long now and now that I’m quitting, it’s going to feel like there’s something missing. A little over a year ago, one of our head instructors left (his name is Seth lol). Seth was the best instructor you could ask for and the things he taught me impacted my life in huge ways and we all loved and respected him, and after he left, our master instructor took over and things… fell apart. The majority of us don’t like or respect our master instructor in ways that I’m not going to list out because there’s too many to explain and if I get started I’m going to start ranting, but he’s one of the main reasons I’m quitting. Our studio has gone to . I’m so close to my second degree black belt (I’ve been a first degree for almost three years now) and I was going to test for my second degree in March/April, but I’m quitting because 1) my mom won’t let me because it costs so much and 2) I don’t think it’s worth it. My mom told me I was just doing it for the title and bragging rights that come with being a second degree, and the more I think about it, the more true I feel it is. I worked my ing off for my first degree and I was so incredibly proud and happy when I got it because I knew that I worked for it and that I deserved it. But I can’t say the same for my second degree. It’s been almost three years now. The first year and a half, Seth was still here and everything was good and I was learning things and I loved it. After he left, however, we’ve done nothing. We don’t learn , the instructor doesn’t teach, all the other classes have gone to , and things are bad. If I get my second degree, it will only be for the bragging rights, the fact that I’ll be able to say to people “I’m a second degree black belt lol”. It’s not worth it. I’d be quitting soon anyways because I’m leaving for college during the summer. I used to be proud of being a student of that studio but I can’t say the same anymore.

Around the middle of October, I started working at a daycare/learning center for elementary school kids. I’m a TA (teacher assistant) and I basically just sit there and help the teacher with whatever she needs and sometimes I help the kids with homework. When nobody needs help with stuff, I just read whatever kids’ books are on the bookshelves. By the way to those of you who live in the US, common core is death and should be eradicated omfg I hate it. Even though I’ve had a lot of experience in the past with summer camps and being a teaching assistant at my martial arts studio, I wouldn’t exactly describe myself as good with kids (and people in general oops). I’m not that person who goes up to kids and gives them high fives and talks in a super enthusiastic voice but I’m just myself and I listen to them and ask about their day sometimes and they gravitate towards me still LOL and they do like me. I love going there and every time I step in that classroom, it feels like I’ve gone back to elementary school. I may not necessarily fit in because I’m so much bigger than they are (I’m twice their height LOL) but I love being there because I forget about all my worries and travel back to elementary school and elementary school things and it’s such a good stress reliever and I love being around those kids even though I’m not the best with them. My second career choice after a psychiatrist is actually a teacher.

I’m an attention and I can’t stand being alone. I always need someone to talk to, and because everyone was so busy, I wanted to find someone to talk to. Chatous is an app where you can talk to strangers online, and I met several people on there before I found someone I thought I clicked with. No, he’s not my current boyfriend LOL. It was hard finding decent conversation and people to talk to on Chatous. Half of them either wanted to t or send nudes (my mind isn’t exactly clean and I’ve always been immune to pics and and nudes but I just find it hilarious that people would actually do that LOL). I made small talk with the others, but I only went in depth with one person. His name is Ethan and it turns out he actually lives only a few hundred miles away from me, on the other side of California. I put a ton of my trust into him and I told him so much about myself and he did the same, but then we stopped talking after a few weeks. He’s a huge sports person and sports is his entire life, and he hurt himself and wasn’t able to play football again. I understand that he was really hurt and broken up because of that, and we started talking less and less. His replies had always been short, but never like that, and after a while we just stopped talking entirely and lost contact even though I still have him on Snapchat. He always wanted nudes. He was the first person I roleplayed (yes that type of roleplay) with, and I did trust him, but all he seemed to care about was getting me to send nudes. I can trust people with everything. I can tell them about all my emotional problems and talk about literally anything, but I can’t give anyone something physical. Yes I can tell you about my experiences with cutting and depression and I can tell you my dreams and fears and my insecurities, but I can’t send you nudes or give you something physical to hold over me. Especially if I only know you online. We were very close for a few weeks and then we drifted.

I live only a little while away from San Francisco and I was supposed to go to the CL’s Hello Bi+ches concert with my friend on November 3. It took a ton of convincing to get my mom to say yes and she finally said yes, but a little less than a week before I were supposed to go, my friend’s mom called up my mom and said that she went to the concert venue in San Francisco and the place looked shady and the people around there looked shady and would catcall others and my mom said I couldn’t go… ._. I understand my mom’s reasoning and I know that she wants the best for me but it’s not like I was going alone… it was with my friend and my friend’s mom ._. I’m going to be 18 in a few months and I’m going to be exposed to this in a few months when I go off to college so what difference did it make? I was very salty about it it was going to be my first kpop concert and my first legit concert and do you know how rare it is that a kpop artist comes to San Francisco and not LA? All of them flock to LA because LA is huge and they ignore San Francisco… and one of the few times an artist I actually listen to comes to San Francisco, I end up not being able to go even though they said I before. Oh well LOL that was in the past and there’s going to be more opportunities O.o

My friend Elianna plays League (of Legends) and she knew this guy on there named Max. Even though they don’t really know each other that well, he asked her to junior prom last year because he wanted to have someone to go with regardless of who it was LOL. That was back in April, and ever since April, they’ve been talking. Elianna didn’t like talking to him very much because she didn’t really like him as a person and me and all my friends talked about him because he was a living meme and we didn’t really like him because we all saw him as a boi. During the summer, things got too much for her and me being a lonely little and looking for someone to talk to and wanting to find out more about him because I’d never really talked to him before (it was just between Elianna and Max). We started talking and we kept talking for a few months and I began to see him around daily once school started, but always kept my distance. It’s kinda like… I considered him a friend because we did make small talk and even though I was kinda cold and closed off towards him, and I thought I would never get close to him. But one day I was going through stuff and I tend to open up very easily to people, especially when I’m lonely and I need to talk to someone, and I opened up to him too much. Long story short, we became closer and even though he was a laughingstock among my group of friends and they didn’t really like him and talked about him, I didn’t see why the others hated him because he wasn’t that bad. Long story short, we got really really close after just a few days and while later we started dating because it was obvious that he liked me a lot even before i opened up to him. But… it feels like we’re still just friends. He literally pours affection on me and he’s hella sweet and I know he cares a lot about me but… I personally see as more like friends because the stuff we did while we were just friends is pretty much the same stuff we’re doing right now as a couple, except we do stuff couples do. It feels weird addressing him as my boyfriend even though he is… I… actually don’t know if I like him as much as he likes me but I do love all the attention he gives me and this is literally the type of relationship I’ve always fantasized about so… yah things are good and his name is Max LOL I don't think I explicitly said it was him.

I made a studygram a while back under the username @greencha_studying in order to motivate myself to study LOL I’m not very good at taking aesthetic looking pictures because the lighting at my house but follow me if you’re interested? Shameless promoting here XD and I’ve also started a bullet journal.

I’ve managed to add some more kpop albums to my collection (there’s 12 in total now). Over these past few months, I’ve gotten I Just Wanna Dance (Tiffany), HYYH Young Forever (Day version) (BTS), Memory (Mamamoo), and The Little Prince (Ryeowook).

And… yah that’s pretty much all the important stuff that’s been happening to me these past few months? If you’ve read all the way down here, congrats, you have a lot of patience on your hands LOL I’m going to return to writing sometime during these next few weeks and i hope to get at least one more chapter up! I’ve barely been writing anything for months now and I’m going to lose my touch if I don’t write something (something fanfiction related) so I’ll try my best to do that sometime soon XD

I’m also going to spend break sleeping LOL I’ve been sleeping only a few hours each day this semester and I’ve been incredibly tired recently… but I got 12 hours of sleep last night and it was amazing… winter break is here so I’m finally getting more sleep and I finally get to watch kdramas again, I’m currently watching Healer (I’m on episode 4) and I really like it so far XD that’s pretty much all I have too, I hope you’re all doing well and I’ll start being a lot more active than I am right now XD