Story Link: The Times

Author Profile Link: JoelleYeong

REVIEW

Description

• Including the readers in your description was a good choice. It makes them subconsciously think and see themselves in the main character’s shoes
• That last line was perfect. It creates so much tension and curiosity

Opening scene

• Again, including your readers which is great. It encourages them to think. Then introducing Bomi while the reader thinks is perfect and a very smooth transition. It’s a unique opening and will attract attention
• Although the first few paragraphs reveal much about Bomi, it still maintains a high level of interest
• The last paragraphs of the opening scene produced so much tension
• The opening scene is perfect

Story Development

• There’s a slow build up to the complication (Chanyeol marrying the princess) that eases readers into Bomi’s character
• The twist with Baekhyun’s feelings for Bomi was well done; gradually settling into the reader’s thoughts
• However, I was confused as to whether Chanyeol and Bomi were in a relationship or were just friends because it wasn’t very clear in the beginning of the story, but you made Bomi’s feelings clear
• The introduction of the fortune teller with the marble is flawless as well as the transition into the past
• The little snippets into the past gives a deeper insight to Bomi and Chanyeol’s relationship
• The plot twist was like a reminder that fate will always find it way; there’s no need to improve it
• Overall, I think the story was developed very well and had me in the world of your writing

Character Development

• Although there isn’t much on Bomi’s character, readers can see that her flaw is determination. At the start when she found out that Chanyeol was coming back, she waited in the snow for a long time and when Chanyeol told her to forget him, she wanted to but her determination wavered at the end. I think her character was portrayed excellently. Good job

Writing Style Suitability

•  Your writing suits the genre very well. You incorporate the characters’ emotions which alludes to their thoughts and actions/motives

Communication

• Apart from a few minor mistakes, this story is really polished. Here’s an example: “Bomi tried to grasp her mother’s shoulders, her hands, but she just passed through each time.” The idea is right there but it’s difficult to understand it without thinking too much

Overall Impression

• This story was very enjoying to read and the twist at the end was so satisfying and had me squriming in my seat or bed
• This is hands down a great story