hey fam, just hover over the pics for the face claims.

also this is a remake from my oringal post on tumblr. hope that's ok?

"mrs. kim? yeah, it's me. i was just wondering if taehyung has left the house yet?"

"he's.... what?"

your name is joo haerin. just in case.

 

you turn twenty-one this christmas. remember to give family and friends a phonecall!

"what do you mean... he's gone?"

"...."

"i understand. i- i have made a huge mistake... i'm sorry about this, mrs kim. if i call again, please do not hesitate to tell me the truth. nothing but the truth."

three years ago, you were diagnosed with anterograde amnesia. a car accident, they said. although you can't remember how it happened. the therapist suggested you make a scrapbook to keep track of things.

"why are you staring at me like that? have we met?"

"i sing at the bar just across the post office you work at, maybe you've seen me there? my name's jungkook."

"oh, no wonder. but how did you know i work at the post office?"

"um, lucky guess, i think."

and this here is taehyung. you're both from daegu. it happens that your birthdays are only five days apart. you used share birthday cakes, but-

 

you can't figure out why the memo is incomplete. it looks like someone scratched it off. you hope it's not important.

"you have a beautiful singing voice."

"i know. i get that pretty often."

"oh? many people must enjoy your singing, then."

"nah, not that many."

this is home. mother still lives here, although dad has gone on to the afterlife. make sure to call her every week, or every two weeks, if you forget.

don't forget!

"are you in pain, jungkook?"

"why do you ask?"

"your eyes look so brooding. what's on your mind?"

"many things. it's a long story."

"well, we have all day!"

"yes, a day is all we have."

your apartment address is at no. 467, samjeong-dong, bucheon-si, gyeonggi-do. i'm hoping you never need to refer to this.

"good morning, mrs kim! it's me haerin. taehyung and i were supposed to meet like an hour ago, but he's not picking up the phone. we can't be late for graduation, so any chance he has left the house yet?"

"what do you mean he's gone...?"

"..."

"i'm sorry about this. god... i'm truly sorry. how many- how many times have i made this mistake?"

you notice that there are missing pages in your scrapbook. along with the incomplete memo about taehyung, there are a few ripped page at the end. try to find out what it is, and why you won't allow yourself to remember.

"excuse me... excuse me, mister... i- i'm not feeling too well, my head really hurts, can you please-"

"haerin!"

it's been a day since your discharge. mum is making you some soup, she's been awfully quiet. the doctor had a long talk with her yesterday. she's definitely hiding something...

"mum, where am i? the hospital? and who's this?"

"haerin..."

"i was the guy who sent you to the hospital. you totally fainted on me."

"jungkook, i think we should tell her the truth. nothing but the truth."

"so... how long have you known me?"

"longer than you can remember. even if i tell you, you'd forget."

"then help me remember!"

i don't know hwo to break it to you... but there's something wrong with your head- and no, it's not your amnesia. you have a butterfly tumour; astrocytoma, they call it. it's aggressive. three months ago they told you you had six months left. do the math.

"why won't you let me remember you? the missing pages, the incomplete notes about taehyung, was that all you? how...? why?"

"haerin, you are a person who has suffered enough. forget everything, just forget it all."

his name is jungkook. he sings at the bar. he says he doesn't want you to remember him. when you wake up tomorrow, decide what you want to do with this information.

"i'm dying, jungkook."

"i know."

"there is nothing a dying person can take with them but the memories. so let me remember. do not let me go empty. i want to know everything- the pain, the beauty, the anguish- i want to feel."

taehyung died three years ago, on graduation day. you were supposed to meet at the intersection at 8, but he had gone to the pier instead. he died by suicide. he did not leave any note. on this day, you met with an accident trying to look for him.

 

please do not call mrs. kim anymore.

"hey... you're jungkook, right? do you know who i am?"

"of course, haerin."

"that's great! i have this scrapbook to keep track of things you see, and you were in it. i'm so glad i recognize you."

"me too."

today you went to the pier with jungkook. he says this is where he first met you, five years ago. your memories before the accident are supposed to remain intact, but it seems you have forgotten him because he had not been a prominent figure back then. he admitted he had a crush on you. he looked very beautiful in that moment.

"did you know taehyung well, jungkook?"

"i was one of his friends, but i didn't know him as well as you did."

"he never told anyone why he did what he did, right?"

"are you pained by it?"

"to me, pain is forgotten as quickly as it is inflicted."

today you returned to daegu with jungkook and revisited the places you had been to with taehyung before. it makes you miss him very much. it feels as if he had died only yesterday. but you are glad you are seeing them with jungkook now.

"why do you stay with me? surely it cannot be easy."

"it isn't. i have considered running away many times."

"then why...?"

"it is okay if you do not remember me, i can do the remembering. but in a world where i hold absolutely no place in your life, not even as the singer at the bar across the street, i think it would be a place too cruel to live in."

jungkook taught you how to ride a bike today, saying it was preposterous for a twenty-one year old to not know how to ride a bicycle. in the basket of the bike he rented for you was a bouquet of daisies. don't forget to water them.

"the pain won't go away..."

"close your eyes. i'm right here. try to fall asleep."

"i'm afraid i won't remember you when i wake up. i don't want to forget jungkook, i don't want to forget."

"it doesn't matter. i'll be here even then."

it is the sixth month, you are still alive, though writing these memos has gotten harder. you just spent three weeks in the ward recovering from seizure. things are better now. at least, this is what i want you to remember when you wake up tomorrow.

"i'm sleepy, jungkook."

"of course you are. you're so freakin' drugged up."

"can i fall asleep?"

"just make sure you wake up."

"no promises."

sseeing as how your last memo was in july, it is has been some time since you've updated this scrapbook. your doctor is surprised that you're still alive. you are surprised yourself, but the future feels bleak. you wish you'd taken more polaroids of jungkook, but he doesn't like taking pictures. look at his frown here. how cute...

"happy birthday, jungkook!"

"how did you know?"

"oh... um, my mum texted me."

"i figured. you did at least get me a birthday present right?"

jungkook here. wow, your handwriting really ,, haerin. anyway, you begged the doctor to let you out today. you really wanted to go to the beach and see the sunset, saying two months in the hospital would kill you faster than the tumour. don't make jokes like that. at this rate, you might pull a miracle.

please give us a miracle.

"you've been updating my scrapbook like i told you to, rightt?"

"is that ing important right now? haerin, this is your third seizure! you wake up two weeks later barely sentient and this is the first thing you ask of me?"

"when i'm about to die, can you read me all the memos? i want to take them with me when i go."

" you."

i guess the difference in our handwriting is obvious enough. you've been really weak these few days, drifting in and out of consciousness. it's scary because we don't know if you'll wake up the next time. what are you dreaming of? can a person who can't remember dream of anything at all? either way, i hope it is a little less painful for you over there.

"she hasn't been up in two weks. maybe... maybe it's time we call her friends?"

"no- she'll wake up. it's too soon, give her some time."

"jungkook... perhaps this is better for her. she's bound to go."

"no, she's here. she's right here in these pages."

this is getting tiring. wake up and update your own damned scrapbook.

i'm going to burn it if you don't wake up. or worse, i'll publish it for the world to see. so you best wake up soon. i'll be waiting.

"and that's pretty much what's in your stupid scrapbook, haerin. , are you even listening? you were the one who asked me to read this to you when it was time, how could you go before i'm even done?"

"whereever the hell you are, i hope you finally remember everything- all the pain, all the happiness- it was all you ever wanted, right?"

"and i'm going to publish this stupid thing as revenge for leaving without me. i hope you're watching! the whole world will know you! and the whole world will remember you."

i'm writing this just in case i don't wake up again. as the days go by, i'm not so confident anymore. my handwriting has deteriorated too. you are dying. just in case you forget- although i doubt you can. you feel it in your bones, in every extra breath you take past your deadline. but you are not afraid. perhaps death has always been closer to you than you thought, you just didn't... remember?

 

there is a lot of pain that jungkook wants you to forget. that is why he tampered with your scrapbook before. but whilst you live on repeat in this bubble of blissful ignorance, others feel the burn of the flame you cannot control. mrs kim is one. you will not be able to atone for your sins against her in this lifetime, so perhaps in the next, you will remember to do what i couldn't in this life.

 

so when you finally move on, the first thing i want you to do is pay more attention to taehyung. i feel like this all started because of his incident. if you can, save him, if you can't, just keep waiting at the school gates. keep waiting until someone calls you and tells you the news of his demise. that is how you will keep your memories.

 

the second thing i want you to do is stay with mother. do not move out of the apartment. stay in daegu with her, take care of her on my behalf. in this life, all she has ever done was worry about you. and this life has ended too early for you to ever repay a fraction of all that she has given up for you. so in the next life, please love her properly.

 

my last request is this: apologize to jungkook. he says that you are someone who has suffered enough, but your pain does not nearly amount to his. you are able to forget, but jungkook remembers- he carries everything with him to the next day and the next. but let's say you meet him and he does not recognize you- just leave him be. i think he deserves to live without you, because all his memories of you are laced with suffering. i do not want that for him in his next life, and i am sure you do not want that either.

 

this is all i wanted to say. hope you don't forget!