I guess this is my destiny since Ive been thinking about this for the past 7 years and nothing has changed. Everything is going worse and today I felt so bad. 

It was just me having a chance to enjoy and have fun but...it was also me there not feeling well... just looking at other people laughing talking to their friends, being happy you know... 

And I couldn't feel that way although I gave my best smiles and talk to a few people whom I met through Facebook. They were so nice to me but I couldn't find a reason to understand why I was there. I MEAN IT WAS AN EVENT THAT I WANTED TO GO FOR MONTHS.

Then when I came back home... I realized that I'm just not happy... that today I couldn't keep acting as I always do. That I couldn't smile, I couldn't maintain an actual conversation even when they wanted to talk with me..

The reason why I'm not happy? Because I'm paying the mistakes of other people and I wanted to be strong, I really wanted 

I did.. for all this 7 years and the ones before those 7... and I just ended up feeling cold. 

Just so cold...

I can't ask for help because the ones who are around me are just like ice... they're living this cold hell with me and they just don't care anymore. Like when you're waiting that moment 

Waiting to end with this, not exactly by they own will 

Just waiting for that last day of their lives...

I think I wouldn't have felt so bad if i have noticed all those stuff when i was alone

because when open my eyes and see how bad my life is.. I would just have smiled and keep going...

But today I couldn't... 

I feel cold and even when there are people giving you the best of them, and you can't give it back, it makes you feel like trash... because it's not the first time they try 

It just hurts