Hey, I'm just going to jump right into it.

So, the ones following my stories might have noticed that I haven't been that active lately. I don't know if you're willing to read all of this but I'm doing it anyway in order to explain why I'm not around that much. Perhaps, it's also my way of getting some compassion and advice.

Several months ago I met this guy. He was funny. Sweet. Handsome. Charming. A true gentleman. He was the definition of my ideal type to be precisely. We talked a lot and connected really fast. There wasn't a day we didn't talk or communicated. I was really happy and I've never felt so alive.

We talked a lot about each other's futures and what we wanted to achieve. He wanted a sweet girlfriend, I wanted a sweet boyfriend. Discreetly and in a kind of cute way we sent each other signals and expectations that we were meant to be. We were so enclosed in each other I took some time off from AFF and focused on being me IRL. I really needed that.

On our first date everything went great. We ate lunch together, flirted, held hands, kissed, caressed. Our actions were as those coming from a normal couple. There was no difference. 

You know that feeling when everything is just going your way? There's no weird sensation? I had that feeling and I was convinced he felt the same way. Not one single time did he mention or act as if he was uncomfortable. Rather the opposite.

But after our date, something unexpected happened. He was distant. He didn't answer my messages eventhough I knew he'd read them and when he finally answered it was incredibly brief with a 'yes' or 'no' and no emojis whatsoever. Completely opposite of how we used to communicate. 

I wanted answeres and let him know how his detachment frustrated me. He excused himself by being stressed and having a lot of things going on around him that made him uncapable of manage things and his life. 

Well, what could I say? I accepted it and let him be. All humans need some space sometimes. But it was still bugging me because it was right after our date. I wanted more answers so yesterday I messaged him and asked him a simple question: "Do you even want to see me again after our date? I need to know for my own good. It's a yes or no answer".

What I received changed everything. I bawled out instantly. Tears pouring and pouring like I've never experienced before. I felt cold and hurt. I was not able to breath properly.

He said "no" and wasn't even capable of giving me a reasonable explanation.

I'm even crying writing this blog post. 

So there you have it AFF'ers. I'm on a heartbreak hiatus and I don't know how to get back to my usual self. I gave him all of me and received nothing but bull in return.

I feel so broken and it hurts so much. I know he's not worth it. All of my friends say so. I just don't know how to understand it. That in a split second your most amazing fairy tale can be ruined. I can't believe it. Won't believe. I have to but I don't know how.

I'll try to get back on track as soon as I can mentally as well as physically. I just needed you to know and needed to write down my feelings. Because we all know that words can heal. 

Yours, queenlisa or a very heartbroken 21-year old Zenia from Denmark. ♥♥♥