He's back again ; to our class. He's the same a ever, not knowing that i even exist. Sometimes i wonder why wouldn't he say hi when our eyes meet or even just a smile or a gesture of friendliness ? Am i that invisible that you can't see me even if i had my eyes on you the whole time ? 

It's been a year now , but here i am again feeling small and invisible when you're around. 

I may never be able to say this face to face to you or to anyone i know from real life; although my friend leticia (who is also your friend) might have noticed something, but i just wanted to let it out somewhere.

You're not that hot , not that tall , not that handsome , not that smart ... but i still feel attracted to you , and everything you do ; even if it was just you walking through that door with that beanie that i love the most , grabs my attention. Just looking at you makes me feel warm from the inside .you

when you smile , i feel like my heart is about to burst , and when i hear your voice , i just wanna hear it more even if it was never directed to me. 

When this school year started and i knew you changed the group, i felt kind of happy ; because it will help me get over you , and it won't hurt anymore whenever i see you talking with others and laughing and just having fun while knowing i'll never be able to have a proper conversation with you.

Call me weak or a coward ; but not having to see every day made me feel relieved. 

However; you decided to return to our groupe , and i don't know why but i feel like dying knowing that one of the reasons is because of that groupe of girls you are always with, you do presentations with them , sit with them , travel with them ... while me on the other hand , is always sitting in the shadows and  admiring you from afar.

I thought it wasn't serious , but crying twice because of something should be considered serious. 

I still remember that scene when i was sitting and just waiting for the teacher to some , you were going out and that girl was comming inside , when you crossed roads ; she jumped on you and hugged you, right in front of my eyes. You were laughing and you went out together afterwards. 

I know it's no big deal; other people always hug their friends, but it felt weird , as if i sensed something was going on between you . It was more hurtfull because i know she's a total B and that maybe , just maybe something happened between you two. The next few days , i tried to avoid looking at your direction , but it was in no avail , especially since i noticed you weren't close to her as the day before. What could have happend ? weren't they acting all lovey-dovey just yesterday , could they have broken up or they're keeping it down in the classroom ?

So many questions were running inside my mind but i couldn't ask anyone. That's how i am , i'd rather die than make it obvious that i like you - although it's kinda obvious - .

And the other one happened just recently , when you returned. I had set my mind for this year to talk to as many people as i could , and to make new friends. I was getting to know new people and things were going smoothly , until you returned. It wasn't intirely your fault ; because i was so stressed about school and about my new goal.

But when i saw you ; and considering that leticia kind of iniciated a conversation between us one day, i wanted to say hi to you, just greeting you was quite an achievement for me. So when our eyes met , you just looked away , right before i could do anything. Right then i realised i  was such a loser that couldn't even say hi to her classmates . 

I felt like no matter how hard i tried i will always fail , because i had studied with him an entire year and we haven't had a conversation yet. Then there's no use in trying and looking for friends. I felt so down that i couldn't stop the tears and i actually shed some during a class. Thank god the classroom was dark and i was wearing my glasses , none noticed. And so when school was over i sped home and cried myself to sleep.

I'm okay now , i tried again , i still try everyday to make conversations with people. It's not easy ; especially in our school where everyone care about themselves and sadly the majority of those i spoke with are not very nice.

Bottom line ; i still haven't forgot about you , i still wish we know each other , i still hope you greet me someday , i still feel hurt whenever you talk to someone who is sitting beside me but don't spare me aven a slight glance , i still like you.