Today, I'm just done with everything. I don't even want to talk to anyone hardly, that's how frustrated I am. I came out to my Dad recently saying that I am a boy and that I don't necessarily like boys but more girls, even though boys aren't out of the equation. I thought that maybe, y'know, he'd re-think how he felt and acted on the topic and he stayed quiet for a while about. I thought I broke through to him but, oh, was I wrong. Today, in the car, we were talking about going to Maryland because somone in our family died of lung cancer and he asked me if I wanted to go. I replied with sure because I didn't know her that well but I wanted to be there for the other family members to comfort them because I know how upsetting it can be. He said okay and then started saying how I didn't have clothes to wear to the funeral and trying to figure out where to stay, I interuppted saying I do have clothes and he asked what. I told him that I had my button up shirt with a tie and some dress pants to wear and he hurriedly said no. I was confused because isn't that proper clothing for a funeral? I told him that it was and that I wanted to wear it and he said, " it. I'll just stay home then." He'd rather miss a family member's funeral just to not be seen with me wearing a tie because it would embarrass him. It really hurt and I cried after he said that but I'm just a really sensitive person to begin with. I don't know if he noticed because I tried to hide it but we were in the same car so, he was bound to hear or see. He didn't say anything. Then when we got home he tried to play it of like he didn't say to hurt me, like he always does. Fast forward to a bit ago, I had took a nap, was feeling better and came into the living room where he was and said I wanted the couch because it's where I sleep and told him he could have his room back. He didn't respond at first so I kept asking because I'm not a very patient person. He looked at me and was like 'I'll go when I want to, I'm busy right now and I'm trying to think.' So, I told him maybe it'd be better if he went in his room to do that, where it was quiet and he'd be alone so he could think. He looked at me again and said, 'Do I just not exist?' Like, angry. And I just looked at him like, what? When did I indicate that? He always says things like this. Making me feel like the biggest peice of for wanting to be alone. I said that I didn't say that and what did I say that made him think that and he just scoffed at me. A bit later, he went into his room after we said goodnight and all and then he comes out a bit later. He was saying something about getting ready to go tomorrow and I listened. When he stood next to his bedroom door I asked, "Are you going back to bed now?" Completely normal. He said yeah but then just stood there and I thought he made a move to turn that way so I said goodnight again. He looked at me and started, "I'll go when m feet want to move." And I looked at him weird again cause I didn't know where that came from and asked why'd he talk to me like that, that I all said was goodnight. And he went on, "Oh, I know your remarks." And I was like, what remarks? All I said was goodnight and he was like, "No, no. That was a remark. I know how you are." Then after talking like that for a while, I thought it was good, we said goodnight again and he shut the door. Only to open again ang lecture me on how I'm selfish for wanting to be alone and that I'm inconsiderate of others because of how I 'act'. Saying that everyone's going to be gone one day and just kept on talking like I didn't deserve to have an opinion on how I felt about things and just how ing selfish I am. I'm just so many emotions right now that I don't even know what to do. I'm so stressed out and this isn't anything new, it happens every single time I am here. I don't even want to come bacfk. I want to stay at my Mama's for good.

*Like last time, you can comment with anything if you want, I'll read whatever comments are left. Sorry about ranting again, I just needed to get it all out.

Saranghae, guys.