I have honestly no idea why I'm writing this right kid yet this blog here is the only blog I have right now and I kind off need to sort my thoughts...

You guys know this feeling when other people constantly put a label on you or always use the same word to describe you. For some of you it might be a good feeling cause the label or the word is something positive yet in my case it's an awful feeling cause every stranger uses the same word for me "ugly" 

No matter which person I come across "ugly" is the label I always get. My friends tell me the opposite but honestly... Would you ever call your friend ugly? For me my friends are the most beautiful people in the world even when the rest of the world disagrees.

Of course I do know that I shouldn't listen too much to the words of strangers but getting the same negative label over and over is awful... I got bullied my whole school time, I got used that I'm nothing more than ugly or the freak and that I wouldn't have a cute high school lovestory. However I hoped that it would change when I finally entered university but well... I'm still either "ugly" or invisible. 

That all the stuff left me kind of shy and it's hard for me to approach people in real life. Via the Internet it's easier yet I prefer other people to make the first step. However that rarely happens and instead I'm alone or reduced to the label "ugly" again. 

I don't want everybody to like me yet I don't want to be the "ugly" one for everybody . My friends are the interesting ones, the ones who will be approached meanwhile I'm still the "ugly" one. In my life I never heard someone to confess to me, I've never been on a date and with every year that passes I doubt more and more that it will ever happen. 

The people of you who follow me on other SNS might disagree on that label yet we all know that people tend to use tricks for their pictures. The right light, make up, some filters... I personally think that some of my pictures are pretty far from the reality of my face. It's an illusion I create so that I won't get the label "ugly" again.

As I mentioned before I know that I shouldn't listen that much to the words of strangers yet I want a change. For once I want to be the pretty girl too and find someone who likes me back and even if it is just once... 

I don't know if it made sense what I wrote here or if anyone reads it but writing down my thoughts with the chance of getting a response to them always helped me. 

About 36 tricks: I don't know whether I can write another chapter until Sunday but after Sunday it will be on a hiatus for sure cause I will be on vacation.