Hey guys,

If any of you are still alive, I just really want to share my thoughts with you. This will be just my crazy fangirling over the one and only Min Yoongi's mixtape because I really feel like I can't contain so many emotions and thoughts, I have to write them down.

I've just listened to Yoongi's whole mixtape and it's seriously more than perfect! He put his whole heart into it and he told his lifestory from the start and I'm so proud that he dared to talk about issues such as mental health and depression. It's not something that people usually comfortable talking about and he's such a brave person to do so. Actually, I've never thought that he went through so much. I mean, I know that he did but it never crossed my mind that he went through counselling. He showed us that you shouldn't be afraid to ask for others' help and that you shouldn't be afraid to tell people about your problems. And it's such an important message because most people are struggling to ask for help. He also showed that although he's an idol, he's a human just like us and he can have the same hardships as any of us. His song, The Last, is such a beautiful one, his words are just so heart-breaking.

"sometimes I’m afraid of myself, thanks to my self-hatred
and the depression that came to play again
Min Yoongi is already dead (I killed him)
it’s been a long time since my everyday life became killing my passions and comparing myself with others

my parents came up the first time I went to the psychiatrist
they got counseling with me, they said they hardly knew me
I don’t even know my own self, so who can know me?
friends? no, you? whoever it is, they don’t know me"

Also, he shares with us that he blamed himself for being like that but he also realised that it's okay to feel like that sometimes; betrayed, alone, terrified. Because if you don't let those emotions to get to the surface, you will have an even harder time. He still encourages us to keep going and keep on dreaming and who can say it more honestly than him who had to suffer to even get to Seoul and start a trainee life? And now, he made it to the Tokyo Dome, releasing his mixtape and sharing his lifestory with us.

"that’s right, , I can’t die so I’m living, I don’t have anything I want to do
I’m suffering more than anything, I’m lonely, around me everyone is just telling me to
pull myself together, they vent their anger, I am my only companion, what are you venting for
every morning I’m afraid of opening my eyes, of breathing"

He was just like any of us; searching for the meaning of his life. He had a dream and he wanted to make it come true but everyone said that he shouldn't. He did but he became lonely. And I believe everyone knows that feeling that even though you seem like you have everything in your life - success, friends, family -, you still feel like something is lacking. You're lonely and you're afraid of the future.

It gripped me from the very first word because as I'm an introverted person, I also don't like going out and I sometimes feel so lonely. I just want to be alone, take a deep breathe and start again. I sometimes question what am I doing with my life and am I even going anywhere? It seems like everyone around me knows what they are doing but I've chosen a dream for me after throwing away other dreams. I had dreams before but crashed it before doing anything serious. I'm afraid of the future, too. I don't even know whether I could achieve that dream. Whether I will be enough? If yes, will I be happy?

But you know what gives me hope? His words. His song, especially So far away. It's seriously such a perfect last track. Although he shares his pain and anger throughout the other tracks, it's the one that says after everything, there's still hope that you can do it.

After every hardship, there's happiness.

You will reach your dream and feel warmth.

Wherever it is or whoever it is, you will be happy.

For me, warmth means love and that means that you won't be lonely anymore.

In fact, you are never lonely.

"so far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies
don’t far away, if you say you have a dream, if you have a dream that flies 

dream, we’ll be together at the end of her life and creation
dream, we’ll be warm no matter where her place is
dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships
dream, rather than humble, at the end we’ll be prosperous "

His words are so precious and honest and my heart just broke hearing his stories. He deserves all the love in the world. He gives us so much as a rapper and as a person and I feel like I can't ever be thankful enough for his hard work.

Min Yoongi is inspiration. Min Yoongi is a restless fighter and a fragile soul. Min Yoongi is the most perfect imperfect human being. Min Yoongi is just like us, he's one of us and yet so much more. He worked so hard, he sacrified so much but he's still smiling for us. He's not afraid to show his flaws and share his strugglings with us.

You know, that's what I really admire about him. He's not afraid to be himself. He's not afraid to diss his haters, he's not afraid to pour out his soul and he's not afraid to show his love. He's not afraid to show himself. We know and he also mentioned that it's not all that's under the surface. But that's alright, Yoongi. You're a human and you have to keep some of your emotions to yourself. We're just like that, we understand you.

"I’m always preparing, if I go two places
I hide the self that’s behind my defensive posture
I hide myself completely like I’ve become a criminal, always
I can’t even take one step outside the dorm that’s like a prison"

Today, through their FC, he said: "I wanted to make music that would give comfort and emotions to someone. "

I think he definitely succeeded, at least he gave me comfort and tons of emotions at once. I don't know if you feel the same way or not and I don't even know if any of you read until here but if you did, thank you. I just needed to re-organise my thoughts and write down my feelings. There is a weird mixture of sadness and happiness in me. I want to cry and give my widest smile at the same time. I don't know what's with me because a year ago, I wouldn't even think that rapping can be appealing to me. And now, it's almost midnight and I'm still so hyped about a rapper's mixtape who I feel like just saved my life. I wish I could be like him; dissing without regret and showing my real self without being ashamed. Maybe I won't achieve it today or tomorrow or next year but with him and his words, his songs, his comfort, I believe I can reach it one day.

Thank you, Min Yoongi. I may never be able to tell you this and thank you enough but know that I mean it. Thank you for being you, Min Yoongi.

Are you even alive after this mixtape? ^^

Thank you for reading and let me know what you think. ;)

A to the G to the U to the STD,

restless_maknae

Translation credits go to: http://friedeggkingdom.tumblr.com; @papercrowns