Okay,I just think I'm supposed to share this with you all since aff community is actually more like my family than my own family.....sad but true.....

So let me explain the title and why.....it's about this......You see,the word "Death" is normal to hear for me.I just suddenly realized it the other night and it hit me......it isn't normal.......why is that......I ended up pondering over it for hours.....I didn't know why I freaked out but I just did.......

Then when I realized why.....I was hit again.......before kpop.......I was so careless......I was unsocial.....my family ignores me......my friends only acknowledge me at time........my bestfriend back then.....who is kw my ex-bestfriend treated me like I'm her maid and keeps asking me to buy her this and that......I am rich and she's not.....and she abused that fact.....I was careless and I found no reason to live......I did everything so carelessly.......I crossed the road and almost got hit by cars,trucks and motorcycles countless times.....I didn't care if I died......as I said,I saw no reason to live...

Then I met my current bestfriend......she helped me and....I got into kpop......then I was here.......I became happy here and I finally found my true friends outside internet....,,I also loved the people here.......they all became the reason I live.....my emotions aren't my own....,,I'm happy when they're happy and that kind of stuff.......

Then 2014 happened........so many deaths in a year....then I always heard the tv news.......death death.....,the word death was everywhere.......it became usual for me to hear it.....I heard it everyday......everywhere......it was my past present and I know everyone dies in the future........

I was never a child......everyone told me I'm crazy,I'm childish,I'm foolish,I act too much like a kid and they all mean it in a bad way......it was never my fault......this is where my male bestfriend comes in........he and I are alike in so many ways......we almost wasn't even formed.......we were both precious to our parents especially our mothers......but we weren't treated our age.......we thought like adults when in public because if we don't, we get punished.......we act like a child as much as possible.......we wanted to experience being a child......a child who is free......we were both always locked indoors......nowhere to go......always the same place when we go out.......other children get hugs and kisses...we get screams and hits......we were pampered but the punishments were.........

It's everywhere......it's in my past,present and future.........I hear it everyday......everywhere.....the word "death" it became a usual thing to hear......I feel like talking about death like talking about what dinner is gonna be and all that..... My male bestfirend and I....they expect perfection.......we're not.......we just wanted to be treated like a children just at least once.......it's why my personality is like a child's.......it's just me......what I need......I never knew anything about the sun......what it does except that it provides light......I didn't know about the outside world......our behavior....and personality have reasons.......everyone has a reason for how they act.....take time to understand everyone......