Living with anxiety and depression - Episode 5: Dangerous?

12:53P.M.

7/30/2016

I woke up today at around 6:30-ish. My appointment was at 8:00.

I fell asleep around 3 o'clock A.M., maybe 3:30A.M.

I woke up, for the first time in a long time, sad. I really felt like . I got up anyway. I really didn't want to go see this dude. I had to, though.

I talked to him. He asked about my life, I told him everything. It's a normal process. These people ask the same questions. He asked if I've had suicidal thoughts within the past 24 hours.

I replied, "Yes."

A nod. Some scribbles on his little notepad. A continuous train of questions.

"Have you acted upon those thoughts before?" Yes.

"Have you acted upon those thoughts within the past 24 hours?" No.

"When was the first time you started feeling like this?" Like what?

"Suicidal." I'm not suicidal.

"When were you diagnosed with depression?" 2012.

Same questions. It gets old. I thought this was supposed to help me.

Dead eyes. That's what my eyes probably looked like, staring at him as he wrote down whatever he was writing. Dead.

"You're a threat to yourself."

I'm not suicidal.

"I'll get back to you some time this week about what is going to happen. I want you to come in on Thursday."

I'm not a threat to myself.

"Thank you for coming in."

I'm not dangerous.

~~1:03P.M.~~

1:08P.M.

7/30/2016

I̶̷̸'̶̷̸m̶̷̸ ̶̷o̶̷̸k̶̷̸a̶̷̸y̶̷̸

another good song: Staind - Mudshovel

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

shaynelei #1 Jul 30, 2016 18:43:51

This pschotherapist or psychologist that you have can't base his overall findings in just one meeting. It takes countless meetings and conversations before he could say you are a danger to yourself. Just because we have suicidal thoughts doesn't mean we would act on it but these thoughts as a habit is dangerous. I never had suicidal thoughts but I did punch walls until my fist is numb or wounded when I was in high school just to let out pain and frustrations of experiences in high school. They say better out than in. If we are sad or happy we should express it, it's just a human thing to do. I would say do something that would bring relief to you. Do not use a permanent solution to a momentary situation. I do hope you get a female psychotherapist or psychologist. They work a lot better for me anyway. They're good listeners.