Geez, who would have thought that my first blog would be a mini rant but hey, I'm stressed.

I love Kpop, Mpop, and (occasionally) American pop; something, as a British fan I come across every day. I cherish the diverity in my country and city as much as I love music (which means a lot). I want to experience the same things my friends do, that feeling of going to see Beyonce of even Justin Bieber live must feel great, they are here in your country for you! They have heard your cries and have come to our small island to sing, dance, talk to US! Isn't that cool?

As an International fan, I know that the chances of an idol group being able to come to my country is slim, the USA have more people who enjoy the genre anyway and so getting a profit is hardly plausible if they came here. Even the notion of having, I dunno, BigBang, GirlsGeneration or BTS coming over to MY COUNTRY, close to where I live, waking up the same time as I do, is crazy, ridiculous, aint gonna happen. 

But once in a blue moon it does.

Now I was in school still and don't live in London so the thought of going to B.A.Ps world tour was out of the question, and yet, even though I couldn't go, I'd watch the videos that the boys made. They spoke in English, addressing England, and that, was enough for me.I was as satisfied as I could ever be.

Maybe next time. Always next time.

So I wait by my computer, by my phone. I don't always know that I'm doing it but I, and many other International fans are waiting. I don't have a lot of money so the chances that I can go is slim but maybe...

I have Bias', Oppas, a poster on my wall, albums, merch. I talk about them as if I know them and I know I don't, but Beliebers do it and Directioners do it so that's fine. I am like millions of other, beautiful, loving fans, who wan to see their idols achieve and be HAPPY. Because they are human, and we respect that.

And it deeply saddens me when people don't.

I hear that SHINEE don't want to come to my town because of what a few people did, that breach of privacy, punishable by law, ended it. Out of the potential thousands of fans, a few careless, selfish people took the chances away that I would be able to see this group live without a plane ticket amd a bankrupt family. I read that people had threatened Kai from EXO with knives in London so he doesn't want to come back. He's scared of this country and I don't blame him. Now I don't want him to come back because I don't want him to be scared BECAUSE. HE. IS. HUMAN.

The only poster on my wall I have is EXO, I have a frickin EXO pencil case and background on my laptop. I would LOVE to go and see them, speaking in a language that I understand, even a few lines, and be home by midnight. I, and many others, would love that but I don't want to be associated with violence. I don't want to (if I ever get the chance to go to S.Korea) go to a fanmeet and say, "I'm from England," and see their smile drop, because I am now associated with that violence. 

If I could speak in their language as eaily as I could recognise their faces in a crowd I would tell them," I'm so sorry. I promise that we are not all like this."

When it came out that he was dating Kristal I was over the moon! He is a grown men who previousely wasn't allowed to be in a relationship,something that does not regularly happen in society (especially British). Now he is in one and I wish them the best. As long as he is happy, I, as his fan, am happy also. I'm not going to marry him as much as I may want to from time to time, he does not belong to me, even if I stan him or put his name next to mine in a heart, he doesn't know me and though that is sad, it is the truth. I have the ability to know all about him and love him and every other idol the best I can. We can be one of the reasons they smile, by watching their videos so they see thire song break records, those that can afford it can go to concerts and even liking tings they post on Instergram. What is so bad about that?

Being an International fan is frustrating, we all know that. We have the language barrier, the frickin sea, shipping prices, information getting to us later. But I still love their music and many others do. We reach out to even get a climpse of them but I know that if I just happened to be in an airport at the same time as an Idol, sure, I might join the crowd, I might shout out "Hwaiting!" and be thrilled if they look in my direction and smile. But I wouldn't touch, wouldn't provoke these tired musicians and actors because they are probably exhausted and automatically base the country on how we act, we all do when we go abroad. Plus the fact that they are people, some are scared of tight spaces (I know Jin from BTS is and nearly freaked out when they got surrounded by loud touchy-feely fans), it's common sense.

Hey. You might say," Well, you've never been in that situation, so how would you know how you would act." That's totally true. Thousands of great fans might accidently have gone to far before without realising because of the circumstances and high adrenaline.

I have been raised in a way that I always, always recognise people as people. I don't judge easily and even at festivals where I've seen famous peole out of the corner of my eye or stood at the very front amongst those who try to get over the barrier, when I see actors on stage scriutanised by people or hear people talking during monologues, I can only imagine what those people go through each day and I show them respect. I listen to them sing, watch them dance, act, support their albums by promoting them in my social life. I know these people have wondered what they wanted for tea, have missed a train, burnt their toast and ate it anyway, have a family and a history. I'm not dumb. I'm just a fan who is also human. Like them.

I'm losing my train of thought as I write this, I'm rambling on my laptop, alone in my room at 10:22pm. 

Please tell me that I'm not the only one.

IR