Hey,

I have just had a big panic attack and it was so scary being alone with the situation that took place.

This morning our family bathroom’s toilet was blocked and my mum tried to unblock it- which I thought she did before she left for work this morning leaving me alone. Anyway I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth before I was going to go get myself some food and drink up my local shop and I noticed this substance in the toilet so naturally I flushed it….That was the worst thing I could ever done because guess what happened next.

The toilet began to overflow and water was just flooding my bathroom and I was freaking out because the water just kept coming and coming and my heart just went and my brain just crashed and I was shaking, crying while trying to get a hold of my mother but her phone was turned off and then I texted my cousin but he was at work and I ended up calling another cousin who lives down the road and her husband rushed up and stopped the water but the bathroom was still flooded and the toilet bowl was still filled to the rim with filthy water.

So when he left I was freaking out still, breathing all over the place and I just knew I needed to get a hold of my mother…so I picked up the phone and found the contact number for her work….now I don’t do phone conversations because I get anxious and just stutter and yea you can’t understand me…so I was dialling the number then cancelling it and then dialling again only to cancel it again…I did that 5 or 6 times before I practiced what I needed to say and I practiced like repeatedly before dialling and when the woman on the other line picked up she called my mums work a name I didn’t know so I thought it was the wrong number so I panicked and stuttered out ‘sorry wrong number’ but then she went ‘are you sure, are you calling for IMPACT’ I froze for a moment still having this panic attack then realised no it was the right place because I did race for life sponsored by IMPACT. So I said what I had rehearsed and had to say it was a family emergency and that I was calling (mums name) and that I was her daughter…I was put on hold for a moment and my mum’s voice came through the phone and I just cried down the phone begging her to come help.

She rushed home and thank god she sorted the problem. She did shout at me when she first got home but then realised I was actually having a panic attack and she shut up and just sorted the problem before rushing back to work.

I felt like such an idiot.

But there was a good thing out of this…I managed to call a place….like that is a big thing for me…

Okay I needed to get that out cause my head was filled up.

P.s My ex DD messaged me the other day and the bastard tried putting all the blame on me…It was as if he felt so guilty that he just wanted to put it all on me so he could feel better. But also found out he was texting my ex master at the time and was begging them for and telling them to take his ity *laughs hysterically* what an absolute . Even accused me of saying that I said I would have with him only two months into the relationship…which is total crap. I never said such a thing. I said when I was ready I would. But not bloody two months. Like not having ago at people who do have early on into a relationship but I just personally wouldn’t like it.

Anyway I have blocked him now and I am moving on…actually I had already moved on but he waited like a month to talk to me again. He is not getting me back…he abandoned his little and that is unforgivable and it’s funny cause he doesn’t think he did abandon me. He doesn’t think he did what he did. He doesn’t think he was a bad DD…like yea I will admit he was amazing in some areas like when I would have an attack around him he would hold me and talk kindly to me and then he would hug me and when he allowed me to nap he hugged me close and often fell asleep to. But that doesn’t stop the fact that he pressured me – which is another thing he doesn’t think he did. I was scared to say no to him and when I said that he argued that I was being harsh because I said no twice but those times was because he ing hurt me and I was crying and I was scared out of my mind.

Urg some people are just pests.

Anyway bye bye I am going to take my stuffies for a picnic now.