30th June 2016

The day my dearest, sweet dog died. 

I miss her a lot. I cried and cried and cried after hearing about her being put to sleep. 

What would I ever do without her? I wanna hug her. I wanna cuddle with her. I wanna take her out for walks. I wanna pet her. I wanna see her tail, wagging happily again. But that cannot happen anymore. She's gone. 

The moment my mum told me that she was put to sleep, I couldn't help myself but cry my heart out. I could really cried a river. Now, every time I think of her, I'd start to get teary and cry to my heart's content. 

I miss the days she'd wag her tail when she sees me. I miss the days where she would "pounce" on me. I miss the days where she would wait till I enter the house, before she walks away to continue doing what she was doing. I miss the days where she would sneak in the house and out of the house when she has the opportunity, thought that caused us a few troubles. I miss every part of her. 

Whether it's how she gobbles up her food all the time, or how she would choose my dad and sisters over me. Whether it's how her saliva would fall to the ground when she pants, or how she doesn't like "siblings". Whether it's how she caused a few troubles, or how she would run after me. Whether it's how sweet she was, or how naughty she was. I still miss her a lot. 

I regret not spending more time, playing with her. I regret not taking her out for morning walks and evening walks. I regret not seeing her last night. I regret not feeding her last night when my sister told me to. Now I realized that, God was giving me a sign, giving me more opportunities to create some more memories with her. And yet, I blew it. I was too dense to understand what God is trying to give me. I should've known better that she was old and she could leave anytime, any second, anywhere. 

I'll never forget the fact that she doesn't eat vegetables no matter what. I'll never forget the face she had put on when she sees food. I'll never forget the place she sleeps during the day and night. I'll never forget that she's family and she'll always be. I'll never forget the fact that she prefers to be the only dog in the house. I'll never forget the moment she came into my house, in a box. I'll never forget her face, her personality and her actions. 

I remember the time when she sneaked into me and my sisters' room and she pooped fishball-shaped poops. We didn't see her do it, but if not her, who else would poop on my bed? It made my sisters and I laughed really hard. It was disgustingly hilarious. This is something that I can never forget. 

I remember the time when she came to my house and I was afraid of her, even though she was a puppy. Every time I got out of the car, I'd need my parents to carry me, so that she won't be able to get to me. I was too afraid that she might bite. I bet that she was thinking: "What's wrong with her? Everyone likes me but she's afraid of me?" My parents would try to persuade me to play with her, and she would wanna come near me to play with her. After touching her several times, I started to be on good terms with her. I wasn't afraid of her anymore. I'm glad that happened. 

I remember the time when she was so naughty that she snuck out of the house, late at night. I had to chase her back to prevent her from creating any unnecessary troubles. I didn't want to do it, but I had to give her a little spank, or else she wouldn't go home. She immediately read the situation and ran back home. She didn't blame me at all. She didn't growl at me. She just went home obediently. 

I remember the time when she would wag her tail every time I call her name. She would look at me and wag her tail. After she stops wagging, I'd call her name again, and she'd wag her tail again. She looked so happy. I would then pat her head, and she'd wag some more. She was always happy whenever I do that. 

If I could go back to time, I'd do my best to make her happier. I'd try to prevent her from getting sick. I'd spend more time with her. I'd take her out in a leash. I'd take more pictures of her. Unfortunately, I can't. 

All I can do now is have hope. Hope that she's all good in dog heaven, I guess(?). Hope that she's alright. Hope that she was happy in this life. Hope that she will remember me. Hope that she will be happy, wherever she is. Hope that she loved us. Hope that she knows that we loved her, and we still do. Hope that she will be reborn into a wonderful human, who's sweet and kind, just like how she was in this life. 

I'm having mixed feelings. I'm glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore, but I'm also sad that she's gone. 

I couldn't say my last goodbye. I couldn't see her wag her tail the last time. I couldn't pat her head the last time. I couldn't see her face, still blinking and still panting for the last time. I couldn't be there with her, till her last breath. 

She's gone, just like that. She was taken away, just like that. She left us, just like that. And she's never coming back to us. 

I miss her a lot. 

I love her to bits. 

I'll remember her for eternity, with my whole heart. 

I'll never forget her, no matter how old I get. 

I'm thankful that she appeared in my life, and played such a big, important role. 

I'm grateful that I still got to spend some time with her, before she was actually supposed to leave a few weeks ago. 

I'm glad that she isn't suffering anymore, though I don't want her to leave. 

I believe that I've been with her since around the year 2006. But it doesn't matter how long you've been together, all that matters is how much memories you created with each other. Be it happy or sad memories, they're all precious memories that shall never be forgotten. 

She will forever be in my heart, as a family, a best friend, a dog, a pet. 

30th of June

It may be the last day of June for you. But for me, it's not just that anymore. It has now become the day my dog left us all and will never come back.

May her soul be at peace. Rest in peace, QD. ❤️

Remember to cherish the times you have with your loved ones, and spend as much time as you can. Cause you'll never know when they'll leave you and never come back, ever again. You may have pictures of them, but it'll never be able to compared with the one who's breathing the same air as you.