Disclaimer: If you don't want to read this it's okay. I don't need you to read. I just want to say what i've just feeling right now.

Hi guys.

I just want to thank you guys for supporting me all this time. I don't know how to thank you guys by saying it through words. I am just really thankful staying through out the sotry, leaving nice comments that boost my adrenaline to the highest level and makes new stories for you guys. If you still doubt this, then it is up to you.

I've been fighting depression for a year already. Since I started here, since I read stories and first write a chaptered story. All of my stories keeps me forget that I am fighting against depression, against anxiety and panic attacks. I can feel that making stories is like my theraphy for those, I am happy when I kept on writing, I am happy with what I am doing. I am happy 'cause I can see how I am improving so much by doing these stories in real life when it is just all in my head when I was a teen. People in here liked it, some don't. But I don't care because it is their decision if they want to read it or not. But I am thankful that some of them are being so honest with me without being so rude.

I am improving a lot but school once again starts, I lost inspiration writing, I lost even myself even in the middle of making a draft. My mind is empty, I can't think of anything and it makes my depression go back and anxiety keeps rising in my body. Recently, I've been crying myself to sleep. I don't know why I am crying but I just feel really really tired that I can't even stop it, I don't even know the reason why. When I am looking for the reason why I am crying it just makes me even more tired. I feel I want to rest for a very long time. And right just after my birthday, I feel even more tired, I didn't even celebrate my birthday so well, that day where where I always feel a hard contractions in my heart. I really don't know if this is about my health condition again or it's just me having panic attacks. I can't tell becuase it is worst now. My breathe's getting heavier and lying almost all day.

I am scared. But I want to be strong. 

But I know to myself I can't.

I can't help myself. My family doesn't give a single about this even beforehand, I know they won't support nor believe me and trying to be independent all by myself. Trying to stay strong but I kept on breaking down and down. When night comes, my depression always being triggered. When no one is awake, I kept myself thinking why is everything so in mess. I can't fix myself, I can't keep my grades up. I just can't.

Maybe this week. I'll try to go to the doctor alone have myself checked up and probably talk to a therapist. I am scared about this. 

I am gonna be a full time hiatus this time. I hope you will understand my situation.

I promise I will go back and get better.

I'll see you guys real soon. 

-Renzbarrogo ^-^