Hello, well it's been a while since I actually typed out a blog. In all honesty it's late and these thoughts (well just this one thought) keeps bugging me. So I decided why not write out,  here. So here it goes:

When I was 17 I fell in love, or so I thought, but hey some people fall in love at a young age and meet their soulmate, and I thought I meet mine. Now I was so foolishly in love that I didn't hear what other people told me, or well I did, but I thought we were different and he was perfect. Mind you the relationship had some faults, but at that age what relationship didn't? I figured so long as there;s more good than bad in the relationship then it shouldn't matter, but oh was I wrong. Nonetheless I took caution into the wind and I was happier, smilim=ng more, and just thriving at how it wasn't like my other relationship. It wasn't that the last relationship was bad, but we were incompatible. I was too shy to say what I was feeling, and for my mistake I stayed in the relationship longer than I shared feelings for him. Now that was in the past, I was all about the now and the upcoming futre. Oh how I couldn't wait to share a future with him! 

The thing is I was so scared of losing that love, I was so willing to keep it that I lost a lot of myself, and I chose not to wait rather than my original plan. By the end of it, I was so morally disgusted with myself that I lost 'me' all together. Yet things stayed happy, I smiled knowing he stayed, when he could have easily left, but things changed. That cuteness in the relationship stopped being cute and made an entire 360°. We no longer had the same connection we once did, but I was too happy to see that. Then all together the relationship turned into frequent arguments, and then came the calm before the storm. A "small break" was what he sought best, we'd still be together by the end was his promise, I seen no fault so relucantly I agreed. All too soon; however, came the break-up.  to say I was devasted was an under stamtement. Never had I expeirenced a heartbreak and I thought I'd be lucky not to feel one, but never say never. 

A fast moving relationship took a faster break. We needed different things, I needed love not lust. He needed lust not love, together one of us was happy not both. Only now I chose to let it not consume me, like it did in the beginning and I regret a lot of decisions I made with my clouded mind. Only now in my late night thoughts does it consume me, so much so that I felt the urge to write it down and I did. 

So that's my confession.

Yours in Eternity, 

Iris~