So this is a slightly random post, and I may rant here. Don't worry, I won't rant about how some people are y and selfish as , because sometimes I am, too. COLLEGE WORLD AINT NO EASY DUDE

Ok. No, but really, I still have manners and I know when I should thank or apologize to someone.

Back to the topic, about the title.

Um. Well. Here's the thing. I've been kinda boyish my whole life. The longest my hair could get is somewhere below my shoulders. I like soccer and console games such as PES or GTA that most of girls around my age don't know or have no slight interest in. I think growing up with an older brother took a role in making me who I am. I also like wearing loose shirt - it's the best, no kidding. But inside, I am still a girl (I do admit that things would be so in much easier if I were a boy, but hey I am a girl, and I never try to be a boy - I love myself). I just happen to like the things that.. not common girls would like.

That, until college happens.

I realize that as comfortable as I am with how I've been, I begin to learn how to apply make up. I think twice and maybe thrice to wear my plain-coloured loose shirts My hair is now reaching the longest point it ever has in my whole 19 years of life. And I even consider wearing flat shoes instead of just slipping on my converse like I usually would.

In short, my appearance changes. Like, 180 degrees compared to how I was. I am adapting to my new environment, where almost all the girls are stylish and feminine.

However, I don't know why most people still say that I'm like a boy - that they feel they're hanging out with a guy. Even though they meant no harm and said that I was fun, it kinda hurt, you know. There was even a time when I was wearing my make-up and a friend stared hard at me, before saying, 'Why is there something that makes you so boyish even though you're on make up?'

Oh wow, okay, maybe when I was a high schooler who just realized that I swung both ways, I would feel flattered if someone - girls, especially - said I was handsome, cool, or something like that, or something like they would totally date me if I were a male. But now, after all the efforts of adaptation, it feels unpleasant to hear such things.

Yes, I play the guitar, yes I like sports. I don't squeal like how other girls would when the college crush walks passing by, I drive, I don't cry much, I'm not afraid  of insects, I never make drama, and my tone doesn't get an octave higher whenever I'm talking to boys.

And yes, I like girls (and boys with certain criterias too). He.

But that doesn't make me a male, and never once I show that I want to be one. 

I told this to a friend, and she came up with a conclusion; she said I own such androgynous vibe, that despite wearing eyeliner or with long-hair, some people still can't sense the feminine vibe. I don't hate myself, and I don't really want to change the way I am.

But it kinda bothers me sometimes.

Now is this a curse or blessing? Or can you suggest something to turn the androgynous vibe off? Lol

Have a good day, lovely people.