This blog post represents my opinions, and my opinions alone

This week has been kind of ty, when I thought things were solved.

Monday came. Me and my two friends, A and B, decided to study at school at 12 o’clock. Ten minutes before we’re supposed to meet, B called and said that they’re already at school. Ok, so when did they arrive? Around 11.30. 

I arrive at 12 o’clock and suffer from a big allergic reaction to pollen, and quite surprised that both arrived at 11.30 without notifying me. When I get there I’m not in a good mood, and act douche-y towards them. After a while, it gets out that I’m fighting an allergic reaction, and annoyed that both arrived to school before me. What’s the point of deciding a certain time if everybody will arrive whenever they want to? 

B said she arrived with her boyfriend at 11.30, which I can believe. A arrived earlier because she wanted to begin studying earlier, which I can believe. However, at the exact same time? I find that fishy and believe they decided behind my back to arrive earlier, which I don’t like. Arriving earlier is fine, but why hide it from me?

We have a short talk about it and things are sorted. Then, before we leave school, I apologize for my behavior. I try to explain how I felt, and they say it’s ok, we all have bad days. Then, when I get home, I apologize again as I feel I need to. I own up to my behavior and that it was not okay, and I am sorry for how I acted. It was very childish, mean and immature of me, and I own up to it. I shall not do it again, and we three came to the conclusion that we shall tell each other whenever there’s a problem.

Then, the following day, B hasn’t written anything whatsoever in our group chat on Facebook’s Messenger, and she’s usually very, very talkative. A only makes so called nice chit-chat with me, but I try to ignore my anxiety and convince myself that I overthink things. They had accepted my apologies after all. 

Later that evening, I met up with A to meet some younger students in our program and we have, what I believed, a good time. But I notice that A’s quite distant. Her tone’s sharper and colder, her attitude too. But, I pass it aside as overthinking. The same regarding B’s silent in our group chat and the usual smileys and tone from A in our group chat.

Then, today, I heard nothing from either of them in our group chat, though they usually write morning greetings. I pushed it aside, got ready and headed to school. Our class began and I noticed the same cold treatment as in our group chat, plus that they force themselves to hug me, won’t look me in the eye, hardly talks to me unless I ask something, and their entire body language is cold. 

Then, during the class, I notice them talking to each other and having fun in a private group chat while sitting next to me, leaving me completely out. They even small talk loudly and laugh. They only talk to me when I ask. A only addresses me when I had to take a phone call, and go to the bathroom and was away for 15 minutes – their behavior made me upset as thought things were okay between us.

Class ends and we’d decided to eat lunch together. Everything seems fine but they hardly look me in the eye again, and I have to force the conversation to continue. Then B goes to visit a friend in another place at school, and A and I leave to wait for A’s meeting with a teacher to begin. There I say that I shall answer her question where I went for 15 minutes during class when B comes too.

She doesn’t because she has a bus to catch, so I decide to give her a call so we all can talk. I tell them that I’m upset to be isolated from them, from the way they group chat alone, won’t look me in the eye, always goes to school together. They immediately get defensive and B tells me that not everybody needs to know everything, that B has things she wishes to discuss with A, and vice versa, and that I do the same with A. Yeah, I do it with A because 1) B isn’t always available, 2) and I can easily tell B the things I’ve said to A, and 3) I've known A far longer than B. They can’t do the same to me, which is ing upsetting. 

I manage to pull out that the actual reason is Monday and that they weren’t okay with my behavior, which makes me even more upset. How could they lie to my face, seriously, to my face, and say that ”everybody has those days”? Is that what friends do? It makes me upset because they lied and hid their actual feelings towards me and practically bullied me by isolating me and acting rudely. 

It gets into a fight now, and it ends up with A doesn’t understand why I get ”so mad” that the two of them talks without me, goes to school without me, hang out and/or studies without me at times. And B doesn’t believe that everybody can be included into everything. After that, all of us need to leave and it’s not resolved still. 

Why am I upset? Because I thought we were a group of friends, not the two friends and their follower who had no one else to turn to. It’s especially upsetting since I’ve known A for two years and thought she knew better than to lie to me and act dishonestly and like a stranger. 

It’s also upsetting since I used to hang out with B before I met A; B and another person, D, began to hang out and talk without even asking me to come along, and it ended up with me feeling isolated and leaving them. That’s why I met A and began to hang out with her. 

It's also upsetting since a few weeks before, I learned that they had several phone calls with one another while I was asleep in the mornings. I felt left out and told them such. They included me more and more, which I felt happy about. Yet, they do this again, but in another shape and form.

I don’t need to hang out with them all the time, they can most certainly be just the two of them. I don’t have the time nor the will to be with them all the time. However, I'd appreciate an invitation to come along, or at least a text once in a while from them when they’re together, to let me in on what’s going on, what they’re doing, how things are going. That way I feel that they do think and care about me. Why would I feel involved when they don’t ask, when they don’t keep in touch, but the two of them talk and/or hang out on their own? At this point, it feels like it’s only them two and I’m the tag-along, which isn’t fun.

I thought we three were a group of friends of equal importance. But, if not, then I can leave them. Because I want friends who wants me to be there, and not ones who don’t care to even tell me how they actually feel when I’ve done something they do not like. Are they truly friends if they lie to me straight to me face? 

Ugh, why such high school drama in college? If a friend of mine doesn't like something I've done, I expect them to act a grown-up and have a discussion with me. I'm a good listener, and since I know I've done wrong, I most certainly will not deny that I acted like a douche. I have no reason to because I know I did! But they can't tell me when they're hurt while I can openly admit it… what's wrong with this picture?

PS. Roughly two hours later, I saw first B leave our group chat, and shortly after, A did the same. Talk about immature. Why? Because this is signaling that they're cutting off our communication completely. They're obviously too proud to admit that they acted wrong and lied to me. Sigh… what to do with kids? I want to solve this, but I'll leave it be since they signal that they don't want to talk to me. Alright! I won't be sleepless at night since I own up to my mistakes and wrongdoings and will continue to make amends for them.

This blog post represents my opinions, and my opinions alone