I just felt like writing and this is what came to mind. 

One thing she realized when she looked at him was that she didn’t know why she loved him from the beginning. He was something she didn’t want to think about and she just couldn’t erase him from her mind no matter how much she wanted to. Whenever she sees him she thinks about what could have been. The memories they could have made together and the laughs they could have shared. That’s all she could think of, but when she looks at him and how childish he is she sees why she never took the chance with him. Why she never said that four letter word to him. Why she can no longer think of being in a relationship with anyone anymore. He ruined her. He ruined the thoughts she had about what relationships could have been. Should have been. She knew he was taboo from the beginning, but she couldn’t help but tempt and be tempted.

 He was irresistible at the start, but when his world started to unravel and when she was ready to mend it back together he did the worst to her. He began to use her for her body. Only when he needed her, he would release his ual desires with her, and then ignore her. As if she were never there at all, he would ignore her. He would tell her how awkward it was the next day. How he couldn’t look her in the eyes or even talk to her. He would ignore her entire presence until he wanted to use her again. When she told him that it hurt her all he said was sorry. That he would never do it again, but she knew it was lies. She knew he would give in to his temptations and he eventually did. He tried to prove that he wanted her even when he wasn’t intoxicated, but that proved nothing to her at all. It only made her feel worse. She still had feelings for him and it was eating her up inside wondering what it would have been like if she had told him those words honestly.

Is she considered a coward for being overly cautious, for not wanting to get hurt, or take chances when she knew she should have. If she had taken those chances would the two of them be different. would he look at her lovingly, with adoring eyes filled with passion for only her? Would he talk to her all the time, trust her with his problems, and let down his walls? Would he try hard enough to actually get to know her for who she really is. Would he accept her for the good and the bad? All these what ifs. But nothing came about. When she tried to see if he was worth trying, all he did was ruin it. Any thoughts she had of opening her heart were ruined by his actions. How could she trust him when he made himself so untrustworthy. The things he did and said were so confusing and misleading to her innocent heart.

 The heart she had never given away to anyone. He broke it and now she sits by herself harboring all those ill feelings by herself. Not sharing them with anyone for closure. He will forever remain there hurting her for all times. because he was honestly the first person she wanted to truly care about. The person she would do anything for no matter what. He was a person she wanted to help out of his problems. She wanted to try and build something together with him after she had her feelings straightened out, but time does not work the way you want it to. You can’t mend it to your own will. Time continues to go by and if you wait too long things begin to slip away from you. He begins to slip away from you.