Herro,

Last night I had a little slip and wanted to harm myself but myBF started talking to me and out of nowhere he just went 'Sophie are you okay?" I lied at first saying I was fine and asked why he thought otherwise. His response was 'Nothing sweetie, but I have to check on my beautiful baby' This made me smile he did say something but I feel like I would be judged writitng it outside my Having Twelve Daddy story...

Anyway he spoke to me more and made me open up to him...he spoke to me till midnight before I fell asleep. 

When we were together on Friday I had just come out of having a massive panic attack in my English class- My teacher made us play a revision game where one person faces the class while another faces the board and describes a word. I was already feeling sick to the stomach before I went up and nervous, but when I sat down everyones eyes were on me and I felt corned, I went blank and because I couldn't guess the word I covered my face to hide myself to stop people looking at me...I then just looked at my teacher saying 'I am going to have a panic attack can we please stop this...' I was in tears. He top me to go back to my seat, everyone stared at me and I just buried my face into my arms and had a member of my class comfort me. 

When I met with my boyfriend I just gave him a big hug cause all I wanted was to be held in his arms.

I told him about what had happened and he held my hand tightly the whole way home, then when we got home he said I could pick out a movie and we sat together cuddled up on my bed, our legs tangled together and my head on his shoulder as his arms were wrapped around me- giving me little forehead kisses here and there. Whispering to me softly to help me stop shaking, he would make me look at him occasionally and would say something was bothering me so he would ask me what was wrong. I am always scared he will judge me if I really tell him what is happening inside... he tells me he would never judge me, I am his baby girl he loves his baby girl no matter what. 

DDLG MOMENT~

When I was cuddled to him he could me a paci and then took my hand as we went downstairs to get a drink but he put it in a Winnie The Pooh sippy cup~ We sat quietly as I drank from the sippy cup with his thumb my cheek while his other hand held the cup at an angle. 

He would talk to me and make me giggle, it made me feel happy. I helded up falling asleep while snuggled with him, he notices when I get sleepy because I go silent and nuzzle my face into his chest. He says "Is little one sleepy? Daddy has you, take a nap babygirl." It was when I woke up I exploded into a little 3 year old, I kept giggling at the strangest things, I kept saying 'Polloderolo, Noot Noot, Penwings (Penguins)' Daddy got so confused at me and we couldn't stop laughing, he would stop here and there and stare at me while I giggle in his lap then say. "Your laugh is so beautiful little one" I melted. 

I am seriously melting with all these feels he be giving me arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hehehe

I want a little advice though~ 

Daddy says he wants to buy me gifts, I wouldn't mind that if I actually had money to return the favour and buy him gifts as well. But since my family literally are struggling to get by, I can't afford to buy anything...everything we earn goes to the house or food. We went over a week without food in the house and had to eat what we could find. I say this to him but he says he doesn't care and still wants to buy me gifts. 

He says he earned the money he has plenty and isn't in any money trouble neither are his family, and when he has money he wants to give me something. He says he doesn't expect anything from his little girl because all he wants is me to be by his side. 

I would feel so guilty if he bought me things and I couldn't buy him things...he was the one that earned the money he should spend it on himself not me. I tried to argue that he has to at least expect gifts on birthdays and Christmas and he still said no. 

What do I do? 

anyway he might be coming today so more cuddles and kisses~ 

bye bye