Story Reviewed: Our Own Miracle
Written by: aiigreenleaf

Description:

I do understand that you chose to put a scene from the story as the description of your story but it is not that compelling to look at. The first and last paragraph, if read by some new reader, won't be understood.

(Copied description)

" Officer Jeon never thought he will meet stunning half-moon eye’s smile when he was out patrolling on a cold Autumn night, but the eyes filled with great pain that he could drown into.
Wrapped on fake-cheap fur coat, stand alone work on the street."

Few single things to be noted at:

*the line stunning half-moon eye's smile is a nicely sewn description of a person, but the question here is, who is the person?

*the line, but the eyes filled with great pain that he could drown into. I sense some mistakes here. It'll probably be better if you'll say it as "yet the eyes looking up at him was filled with great sorrow, great enough to drown him." or you can make your own.

*the line, wrapped on fake-cheap fur coat, stand alone work on the street, DOESN'T make any sense. What or who is wrapped on fake cheap fur coat? What does stand alone work on the street means?

Please do, if willing, change your description. It'll be better if you make a synopsis of your work, since it's completed already. Then from that synopsis, make a description that will tell (but not tell everything) what could/had already happened in the story and it make appealing.

Foreword:

Forewords are where writers talk to their readers, thank them, or make some notice about the story or disclaimers. You can also put in the foreword the reason why you have made or came up with the story. You just put the same thing (but more vivid and detailed one) with the description. You can omit that thing all because it's already found in the first chapter and it is becoming repetitive and redundant.

Title and Cover:

Our Own Miracle is a legit title and it matched with the cover. The good thing is that, it didn't spoil anything about the story. So it's in a win-win category.

Grammar:

There are a lot of mistakes in grammar found in the story. Although not your mistakes are not that cringe-worthy, a story with a good grammar is still more enjoyable.

I noticed that your writing is weak when it comes to tenses. I've noticed that you write in a past tense then insert and present tense that makes people wonder. Then you also have a tricky sentence structure. As writers, it is our duty to make dramatic words more dramatic. Try to look back at your work and see if a the sentence structure should be swapped. You should also be careful with periods. You should know when to put and when not to put periods.

I.e.  For graveyard shift, honestly Jungkook liked it although many hated it, he felt he saved more people this way. He was stationed in Gangnam area as known drug and ion area of his district. (first sentence, first chapter). It'll be better if you say it as: Officer Jeon Jungkook likes being assigned to a graveyard shift, even though many hated and avoided it. He thought he would be able to save more people this way.

But, alas, I liked the words you've choosen and I can see that you have great potential in the way you narrated it. You're also descriptive and it's an advantage.

I've seen your epilogue so I guess your writing skills got better. Also, refrain from using immediate time keepers like, Two months later or five years later.

Few more things to note:

>Use of Hangeul. I understand Hangeul so going through your story is a piece of cake, but how about those who doesn't know how to read it? And yes, a lot of readers here on Aff hate seeing Hangeul in the story.

>What's omega? Although there's a great population out there who knows about wolf-man stuffs, it is still not fine to just carry on the story without letting us in the world your story may in. I'd say you introduce the wolf world in the story or explain why this or that was happening.

> Who's Jimin? What's his kind? Why was he talking about a pup? What does the pup look like? Is he that of a wolf? Or a baby? Again, I repeat, describe the world they are in. (If you ever, you kinda listened to me, please let me know so that I can continue reading the story cause I really think you have a chance, just slightly amiss.)

>You refer to Jimin as 'him' and 'her' at the same time. It really confuses people. What's his identity? Be consistent about their gender pronouns.

>A VICTIM IS NOT FINE! is never fine. I think you just missed a big probability of bringing people to tears. You could have put more emphasis and distress on the sufferings of Jimin. Yeah, he might be used to these kinds of violence, but no human (or alpha/omega) is bulletproof to . Just be detailed here.

Thank you for letting me review your story. Fighting, author-nim.