So as the title says... I feel awful right at this point in my life. 

It probably has to do with the fact that my laptop decided to wipe clean itself and my last backup was back at 2015. 

I lost all my music, all my documents, all my videos, all my pictures, all my everything. But I'm not really pissed off at that, videos, pictures and music are all something retrievable, I still have internet connection. 

What makes me feel this awful is losing all works ever done in photoshop or illustrator (aka all my edits), losing all my fanfictions all recs of fics that i have and have not uploaded on aff. And most importantly losing a fic that I was writting a month now and I was an epilogue away from finishing. 

96 KB of work lost. That's 36 pages of word just so you know. Lost. 

I wanna cry. 

I wanna curl up in myself and cry and never see the light of day again. 

That fic was my diamond, I was so proud of it. I wanted to finish it and post it and share it with you guys. 

But now it's lost. 

And it's never coming back. 

And even if I find the patience and want in myself to re-write it, it won't be the same. 

It won't be my diamond, it will be a cheap version of it. 

I feel awful and I feel cursed and I hate my laptop right now.

I hate it with a burning passion.

And I wanna cry... I wanna cry so much TT^TT