I'm in a depression state in disguise

I've been telling my girlfriend and friends that I've a perfect way to deal with stress, problems, or whatever that lead to depression.

I did.

I had been smile to cover my worries. And I laughed to my heart content to feel happy, they said if you sad you'll get better if you laugh.

It did.

I hug my girlfriend tight to make sure that I'm not alone, I keep touching her to make me sure that she's real.

She does. And she loves me.

All my past investment doesn't work the way I wanted. I'm having a trouble with my investors and it has been three damn months pains dealing with them and the lawyers.

And I have a ty business partner. Who's I can't change until every problems are settled, I put everything under his name and now he's been very depressed without thinking about how's my position.

If I run to my mother, she'll ask me my marriage problem. And things will lead to another fight.

If I run to my sister, she doesn't understand.

I run to no one but God, I cried.

Sometimes I run to my girlfriend with a bit stories, I hug her to keep myself sane and to avoid any kind of suicidal thoughts.

I told her that; any women my age, who's facing a problem like mine alone is going to commit suicide.

She told I'm strong.

I am.

But, sometimes like today. I just someone to help me miraculously and tell me; there, done. You can pay it later after you're back on your feet. Keep your foot together buddy. All is well.

Or a simply give back my business partner to his logical way is back is good enough.

Or a simple 'all is well' is good enough.

At least I know I'll survive tomorrow too.

And I'm not alone.

At least...

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soara #1 Mar 30, 2016 09:50:11

its tough now i can see but think that this is temporary, the problems will get to a final point for good or just fine. you can keep going always.
new problems will come bc life is like that. you can never get rid of ALL worries, there will always be something even if its just a broken toaster that will keep you from eating toasts for breakfast in the morning.
even those people you see and think they don't have a worry in the world, believe me, they struggle too. just the kind of worries change.
you have to want to go out and beat the world. you can't give up on life because even if its hard for a while, if you give up, you won't see the good and easy times, you won't cuddle with your gf, you won't even eat your fav food or listen to that perfect song that brings you happiness even in the middle of all the chaos you're going through. those little happinesses are happines, no one has a perfect life.

when you run to you family don't go wanting to share your problems, its good if you can but going to them just to spend some time together and laugh a bit, eat good food, going out together, won't it relieve you stress more than just spilling worries and bring yourself down even more? each hug or smile you can take them as the confort you need and get strenght from it. its hard to make others understant the struggles of depression, you just make it harded on you to try, so just focus on resolving you business problems for now, its not forever, never is.

Good luck, I wish you the best. Go get them!! and tell your girlfriend you love her too and take her for a walk and icecream today, don't talk abt llife stuff just look for things to smile and laugh about and make her laugh a bit. go on a date somewhere you never thought of going like museum or stuff like that, sometimes something new can do great to you mood. Anyways, good luck and be safe.

chyan01 #2 Mar 30, 2016 03:20:46

From your blog, I feel that you're an introvert, so you won't easily tell your problem to others. Hang on there. It's hard, but I just can to pray for you. May God gives you strength always. GBU

sleepingprince #3 Mar 30, 2016 02:45:21

Never ever give up in life. Just as long as you dont give up there is always hope. Believe in yourself and believe more in your dreams. Nothing comes easily. A master / successful person have failed more than one could ever think off . Obstacle and troubles are meant to test us not break us. Accept everything that happen as it is . From there you will work things out. Life is a cycle. Nothing stay the same forever. After all the troubles , good thing will fall to its place. Hang in there .Think positive and Pray to God

ReapJewelfish #4 Mar 29, 2016 21:57:16

You're not alone, you know it. I don't understand it, because you never talk to me, did you? You just go and whenever I asked you why, you just answered, "nothing."
And I know, after I said this, you would say I didn't try to understand you. Of course, but know this, your dad would always be supportive for you, I would even if I don't understand business matter. If you tell me about suicidal thoughts, I understand, I did the same thing before, from drowning myself in the bathtub to cutting myself. There's a reason why I often use our parents bathtub.
I'm not strong, never am. I'm emotionally weak, I've got anxiety disorder, I tend to get anxious about nothing at all for days and get stuck. But I distracted myself, yet still it plague me. There's a reason why I cried with no reason at all.
But here I am, alive, breathing, and you never knew any of this right? I never tell this to anyone, because I know our mom would judge me weak, she wouldn't understand. She never understand.

No human are strong without weakness. I'm weak, but I'm strong enough to struggle to live. And I know you will, because you're my sister. I know you're stronger than me.

Ps: if I were to give in to my weakness when it was at it's peak, you would already lost me when I'm in middle school. Betrayed by someone you supposed to trust was hard to deal, and to forgive was even harder. And you know I was already mentally strange from little.