So... remember when I said that I had a boyfriend who is super duper sweet and caring? Well.. not anymore. Yes, we broke up. Well, actually... it's kind of complicated now. Technically, he broke up with me, but we still talk to each other and such? We're both in a complicated situation right now. Remember when I said that my insecurities get the best of me and that I can't trust guys when it comes to relationships? Well, turns out that he's the same like me. He's insecure too and he's scared to get hurt. My friends made a conclusion about guys and girls having insecurities. Girls showed their vulnerability and insecure side and guys don't. I think she's right. Anyways, Kenny asked if I really loved him. He wrote alot saying about him being scared of getting hurt and such because of his past relationships. He said he loves me, like... about 50% (seriously?! PERCENT?!) and that he needs time to be alone and such. He wrote quite a lot actually, more than what he used to write and after reading what he sent, my reaction was like, neutral. I didn't actually cry or feel sad or anything. In fact, I don't feel anything. I don't know why I feel like this now. I mean, in the past too. I stayed silent for a while and just repeated what he wrote several times. After that, I find myself more understanding. I think it's because I know how he feels, about the trust issues and such, since I am experiencing the same thing. I told him I'll be there for him if he wants to talk or something, and that I'll wait. I told him my side of the story about being insecure and that everyone told me to give this relationship a try. I asked him to trust me but he said to give him time, so I did. We still talked now and he was worried about me. He asked if I was okay and got worried whether he made me cried. He said i'm still important to him...

Well, as you know... it happened on the Lunar New Year Eve, which was yesterday. And when this made my day bad, something happened again. Introducing my ex-crush, let's call him Yong. Anyways, I used to like Yong last year. He's the last person I liked after Kenny. Anyway... Yong and I had a really weird relationship. He rejected me because we hardly know each other, but he seemed to care about me. He would ask my bestfriend about my news and such and did weird things that made people think that he likes me. Our relationship is really weird. Whenever I see him, my mood will suddenly dropped and when he sees me sad, he gets sad too. Let me put this way, our moods affect each other and we don't even know why. There was one time when I was sitting beside him in a cafe, and he gets mad when I gave my seat to his friend and moved to another seat. It was a gesture of being polite but he gets angry and nags over and over again. Last few weeks, he waits for my call when I said I want someone to chat and he complains to my bestfriend when I suddenly cancelled it. He asked me if I like him after he rejected me months after and I said no (which was a lie btw cuz i wasn't sure), and he told my bestfriend that he felt like of sad when he heard it. And when my bestfriend asked him if he likes me, he would try to change the subject. He said he's not sure. Yong's very protective of me when it comes to other guys. And when he found out that I got a boyfriend, he immediately called my bestfriend and asked if it's true. So, back to the part where the big trouble comes. Well, Yong thinks that Kenny's a fake. He thinks that Kenny's just someone who takes pictures from google and such, you get what I mean. And when I went back to Facebook, I saw Kenny wrote 'Whatever.' in Yong's timeline. I went to see what's going on but the wallposts were deleted. Kenny  seemed angry so I  panicked. I was so scared that Yong might ruin something that I cried. I was furious and I couldn't reach him on my phone, which made me even more worried. I facebooked Yong and told him i need to talk to him and we talked through chat. I asked him what did he said to Kenny and he copy and paste the whole thing to me. At first, he accused Kenny of being someone who's fake and such and then scolded him for hurting my 'weak heart' -.- He said that he's my bestfriend (SINCE WHEN?!) and that he won't tolerate Kenny hurting me and such and warned Kenny not to hurt me. Well, Yong didn't really mean any harm. In my point of view, he's just being protective of me. It's just his words tend to be too blunt and offensive. And I thank him for caring about me. But seriously... WHY DOES HE CARE SO MUCH?! -.-

So... back to Kenny. Kenny was furious about being accused as a faker. He was really angry about what Yong said. He was really pissed off. I told him I didn't know that Yong would do that and he believed me. He understands that Yong's being protective but he said he'll take a picture of him writing my name on something just to prove that he's real. I mean, you can't simply find a handsome picture of someone with the name 'Nicole' anywhere. Get wht I mean? So, Kenny and I are still talking, just not in a relationship now. Sighs... what should I do then? I don't think I have any other choice but to wait. But on the other hand, there's Yong. Seriously, my life is just %^@&*!()_@#*$#*@P! !!!  Why can't I just have a loving boyfriend and a simple love life?!!! Jeez...