Hey,

So as you all know I left my job a few weeks ago and I had about £45 saved and then due to college expenses of print credit and photography supplies that dropped to £20 in a matter of days. I had also ordered certain items I needed from online so that dropped even more, I babysit my cousins every other weekend for £30 on a Saturday and £20 on a Friday so I do get money from that however with college expenses again that doesn't last, I know have only £24.30 to get me through not only my Photography exam that costs over £35 in expenses, but for my own needs such as clothes. 

I have been wearing the same outfits and clothes for months now, my shoes all have holes in and are falling apart (I only have one pair that still are fine) my clothes are either all to big for me or to small now and I am stressing because I need summer and spring outfits. I only have winter clothes and I sweat very easily (like Xiumin), my whole woredrobe is winter jumpers and trousers. I have nothing for the hotter warm weather. 

Every time I ask my mum for help she tells me to go back to my old job as it was 'easy'....My boss was an , I was always getting hurt, the pay was absolutely and I was the only one doing all the ing work while everyone sat around a watched me as they got paid £7:50-£9 an hour to my £4. My mum is over dramatic towards her own issues and thinks its okay to scream at me saying her problems are so much more to my own...I get that she has to pay bills and but when I am a girl with Mental health issues along with weak joints of course it will be hard for me to work certain jobs, I am a college student who takes a subject that has expenses that need to be paid...I need help to get new clothes etc I can't do this all on my own. 

She says that she gets no help around the house and that she always has a headache and can't get out of bed or that her day at work was worse than my stress filled anxiety battle day at college where I have had to deal with one teacher who hates me and another who stresses me out. I come home everyday feeling sick and faint but she doesn't care. The fact that I have been her carer since August last year and have had to clean the house, cook food for everyone in the family to make sure everyone is fed. I have not eaten on some days if there wasn't enough food for everyone so I put my family before me giving them my food. All my money that was earning was going towards food for myself and college expenses...I have had enough of smellling like because my clothes go unwashed for days because she doesn't help me understand how to work the bloody machine. I've had enough of having to walk around with broken shoes, I have had enough of worrying about expenses. I have ing had enough.

She works longer days and earns more money now yet she refuses to help me with expenses and new clothes. 

When I turn 18 in September I am getting the money that my nan had put in a bank account from the day I was born, and I told my mum that I was going to break it up to buy clothes and re decorate my room for my anxiety, I want to get a new laptop for college... she turned round and told me I would just waste my money on all of that and that I should just pay for my driving lessons as she bought a car that I never asked to even get because I have no intention of learning to drive yet. I am greatful for the car I really am but she uses it to black mail me. She seems to forget my doctors telling her that my mental health problems stem from a car accident I was involved in as a kid so I am actually terrified of driving but nooo that is not a good enough excuse, yet do you know for just 1hr 30mins it costs £30 I don't have that money yet. It is pissing me off because all I want to do is focus on my studies to get good grades...I have seen my grades from two of the main classes I take dropping because I am worrying and always panicking. 

I don't know what to do anymore, my anixety  is getting kinda worse when I am at college and I don't sleep well and I have just had enough.