participant analysis.

 

 

ESTP / CHAOTIC NEUTRAL / THE PERSUADER

 

→ the façade » self-absorbed, sociable, confident 

haruta's always been confident. it's something admirable about him — the way he carries himself, the way he can be so certain in himself and be surely and truly comfortable in his own skin. it's not something that's easily acheived, and that's why it's admirable. well, that's what he needs people to think anyway. conversely, it's admirable, the effort haruta puts in to keep this act up. it's tiring, physically, mentally — all of it, it's so incredibly tiring. years, after years of lying, it's become second nature. he knows people see him as attractive. he knows he's conventionally handsome, blessed with golden proportions, yet, he just doesn't see it himself. there's too many other flaws that completely override any type of attractiveness. 

 

it was something his close friends could go to him for help, and he'd always reassure them, let them know that it was okay to love yourself. for others who didn't really know haruta, they saw it as cockiness. someone blessed with good looks, always being so self-interested and egotistical. but he was okay with that — as long as no one ever knew just how much he despised himself, he was doing the right thing. 

 

haruta's a natural when it comes to making friends and speaking to strangers, it's as if he's the very definition of extroversion. he easily speaks his mind (sometimes to others displeasure) and often finds himself just clicking with people very easily. it's a weird talent of his, he's realised, lies just come so easily to him. it's so advantageous for him,  it distracts him, it lifts him, ever so slightly.

 

if haruta wants to do something, he's going to dive straight into it, head first — no regrets and no looking back. also, usually, not much contemplation either. with haruta, he really doesn't think about his decisions much, and this goes with just about everything situation. he doesn't really care what he does or what happens — he just wants to keep things rolling.

 

 

 

haruta is a little too gullible, if he sees an oppurtunity, he takes it and there's been a few times that has landed him a little trouble. or a lot of trouble. more than once has he been scammed when it comes to finding modelling gigs. despite his misfortunes, he continues to try, try, and try again — never really learning from past mistakes. 

 

despite haruta's innate ability to socialise, things never really last with him. it's friend, after friend — no one really sticks more than a year, and that's haruta's fault. he's detached — he refuses to make solid connections, hastily moving from one thing to another, never really settling down; afraid of becoming stagnant, being abandoned. and it's not that he doesn't care for others, he wants the best for most, he just can't stand creating bonds — not if he will become a burden and not if there's a chance they'd leave him. 

 

participant background. 

 

 

 

→ birth defect

haruta was born with arteriovenous malformation. despite such adversities whilst growing up, his mother loved him unconditionally and made sure he could live his life the best he could. 

 

haruta, growing up, had quite an average upbringing, for the most part. despite being half japanese, haruta lived all of his life in korea, with his japanese mother and korean father. he wasn't aware of it, but his parents had tried so hard for his sake. knowing he was born with such an unfortunate and unforeseen defect, his parents did everything in their will to keep going on strong. fortunately enough for haruta, his malformation did not hinder his living — he was lucky, not knowing if the next day would be his last — surviving for this long. 

 

it wasn't until he was ten years old, that things began to change. his father was beginning to come home less, and his mother, smiling much less; always hiding something. scars.

 

his father had found a new lover, yet, he continued to live with haruta and his mother... for haruta. for his sake. for his health and wellbeing. there was no love between them, no agreement. by the time haruta was twelve, his father had enough. he had just up and left, leaving haruta and his mother, who was unemployed at that time, to fend for themselves. no goodbyes. 

 

he doesn't really speak of it, but he continues to blame himself, knowing that if he was never born the way he was, this could have been prevented. he thinks he has never tried hard enough — that he didn't value what he had until it was gone.  

 

when he was younger, his mother was always next to him. there wasn't a day that went by where she hadn't assured that haruta was loved, that he was important, and that it wasn't his fault. always saying things to make him smile. 

 

she had always made sure, with all her might, that haruta loved himself, that he knew who he was and was okay with that. she didn't want him to go down the same path of self-hatred she had.

 

haruta never wanted to disappoint his mother. she was the only person in his life he really, and truly cared for. there was no way he would allow her to see the hatred in his eyes whenever he sees himself — see the sheer self-loathing he possesses whenever anything about his disability is discussed. his façade is strong, he would never hurt his mother, even if it meant lying to her, every single day of his life. 

 

 

 

medical history. 

 

 

panic attacks are rare and he tends to occupy himself with other thoughts very easily and also surrounds himself with a lot of people he knows and likes.

 

 

 

 

relationships. 

 

 

haruta's mother. he does not live with her anymore. she resides a little outside of seoul while haruta is staying in a studio apartment in gwanak-gu, seoul. 

 

→ girlfriend (sort of): park chorong, 24   

the girl he is currently seeing. they have yet to make it official. it's her birthday in the upcoming weeks.  

 

 

 

   

 

"i wasn't initially planning to come today... and i probably should've stuck with that plan but i was promptly reminded, by the trusty old notification my phone gave me, that it was my partn— ...that it was the birthday of one of my close friends. she had been subtly," he pauses and whispers to himself about it really not being subtle at all; stifling a small chuckle, holding a hand over his mouth, "subtly...hinting at me  that she had wanted a specific handbag. and so, that's why i came — i couldn't say no." he had almost let himself call her his partner. his girlfriend. it was nothing like that, he'd never let himself get to that point, he wouldn't know how to handle it, wouldn't allow such a burden as himself into someone elses life. he continues to ponder his mistake before continuing. 

 

 

"who the hell calls themselves after a letter of the alphabet? is that supposed to be cool? i'll go by F now, guys, put it in your books!" his voice is loud, too loud, there's an undertone of unstability, it wavers as he attempts to joke, a forced chuckle escaping his lips.

 

"i don't know. i don't know anything about him. is he the type to do the dirty work himself, or get minions so he can keep his hands clean of the (literal) blood? i don't know. it doesn't make a difference, does it?" he muses, cocking a brow upwards as he asks the final question, lifting his shoulders to throw a seemingly nonchalant shrug.  

 

before the first death occurred, did you believe your predicament? share your thoughts and reactions throughout the game.

"i did think it was a joke at first. like a tv show, since you know, i've been getting quite popular in the modelling world lately. have you seen me on the latest cover of GQ magazine?" he speaks freely, self-advertising as he goes, going off on a tangent.

 

he breathes a loud sigh outward before continuing to speak, "but you know, the longer i'm here, the more i know this is real. that i'm actually here. i'm not saying i'm the best of people but... i couldn't really believe there were people like this in the world, people like K — people this incredibly disgusting." he punctuates his sentence with small blips of laughter, shaking his head as he tries harder and harder to grasp the situation he's been put in... to no avail. 

 

"i've yet to make any decisions. as much as i love my looks, and how as much as the world will miss my face, i'm not afraid of death. it'd be kind of interesting, don't you think? how people would react if i died. i'd want to watch that." he nods, his eyes flitting off as he blanks slightly, staring into nothing in particular.

 

he's silent for several seconds before taking a small breath inwards, "...so yeah. i haven't made my mind up to kill or not. it depends on how i feel when i'm really there — when i'm in the moment, in the very second of life or death." 

 

 

"fortunately, or unfortunately, however you decide to look at it, i don't know anyone here, prior to today. i've learnt a few names, and i've seen a few people, though." he gnaws idly on a sliver of dry skin on his lips, his eyes lighting up slightly as he remembers something to say, deciding to tack on a little comment.  

 

"participants one and two. they're cute, huh? looks nice. you know. to be in love...although this is really gonna for them..." his attempt at comedy comes across extremely dark and he flashes an uncomfortable smile at the interviewer, prompting them to move on. 

 

"i'm not sure if i'd call this a plan. i'm not really a plan type of guy, you see, i'm more of a go-with-the-flow kind of dude." he elaborates, hand gestures flashing left and right as he speaks, adding emphasis.

 

"however, i do plan to befriend everyone and anyone in this ed up game with me. you know what's sad, K? it sad to die alone. with no one you know. it's sad! it . it's not like you have morals but good-ing-god it's sad." he hadn't expected to get as fired up as he had, his hands gripping tightly into fists, knuckles white dry. his breathing begins to become uneven, as he grits his teeth together. attempting to return to his initial composure. soon enough, he finds level and continues. 

 

 

he sighs softly, "although it might be a little difficult with participant number five, right? since, well, they'd want me dead." 

 

"devoid. had i really sunken to this level? surely, that participant had so much to live for." he speaks, his eyes glossy, staring into space. his face is vacant, voice monotonous. 

 

 

 

"advantages? i'm beautiful," he cracks a convincing smile, his dimples showing almost innocently. "so maybe, they'd be so in awe of my charm and good looks, they wouldn't want to kill me?" he jokes, another attempt at humour, although it again comes across as quite bleak. "but no," haruta begins again, "i don't think i possess any sort of talent that would put me at an advantage." 

 

upon hearing the second part of the question, haruta immediately siezes up; the small, albeit forced, smile that was his lips quickly vanishes as his complexion pales. weaknesses? he had many. weaknesses? it's all he ever thought about. weaknesses? he can't help but laugh to himself — he was the true definition of weak. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"congratulations? this isn't a win. i don't know what the hell this is." he breathes out a loud sigh. 

 

"i'm going to call my mom. i'm going to get that ing present and i'm going to go the home." his face is blank, again, he doesn't express nearly as much emotion or happiness (even if it were faked) as he did in the beginning. he doesn't have the energy. 

 

 

he's not sure if the events of the day had strengthened anything within him, he isn't sure if it's made him realise that his life is more precious or not. he does know one thing though. human nature is ed up — he knows that a human's will to live is so much stronger than he'd ever thought — and that in itself is terrifying.

 

 

"what happened today is not something i can forget, but it's not something i'd ever tell anyone. not this kind of burden..." he pauses, "just another thing to add to my secrets, right?" 

 

 

OBSERVATIONS.

 

• lol ok so i haven't applied for anything in actual years (i said this already but like i'm hella rusty lmao) so i apologise for anything that strikes as weird or anything. 

• i have a slight feeling that things might sound contradictory since haruta is a little too faced (with good-ish reason). please ask if anything needs to be clarified! 

• i hope it wasn't specified that kpop idols had to be used as face claim (bc if it was, lmk and ill try n change it real quick) but i used this model cos i've been sort of obsessed with him lately.... model turned actor... all round sorts of talented beauty............he's so..... aaa...

• also! about the avm, i didn't do much additional research about it and kind of went off my own knowledge (i study medsci/pre-med) so there could be inaccuracies. actually i'm sure there's slight inaccuracies since i did tweak it a little to fit the scenario a little more, but it's nothing too major i'm pretty sure. if you have anything to ask about that, i'll surely answer as best as i can! 

• i need to stop talking but also, i feel like things might be a little too full on, and there's a bit too much going on? so you're absolutely free to remove thing.