I'm writing this despite knowning that no one will see this. My heart is heavy, atm. I need to channel this negativity out so I can have a peaceful meal with my family despite the feelings brewing inside me.

Being the youngest of two, I've always felt a sense of alienation. Not so much from my dad, but my mom. Not sure if it happens naturally without her noticing—which I want to believe is the truth— or otherwise. 

There are many occasions I feel that sense of biasness from my mom twoards my sister. More often than not, I try to let it glide over my shoulder, because of obvious reasons. It doesn't make sense that she'd do it purposely. However, despite knowing all that, being a human with feelings and all that, I, too, started to notice all the little things. Every tiny little detail like how she'd call me whenever there's a chore to do, how she'd let her sleep in a little longer, how she'd reprimand me instead whenever the both of us would fight, or how she'd give me a lecture about borrowing my sister's stuff wheb though my sister does the same—mind you, she never gets told off.

I try to make myself believe that I'm being rather nasty for havibg thoughts like these; that I have no right to even warrant these ading thoughts towards my mother that swell within me.

I dunno.

Maybe I AM MAD.

God knows what's happnening to my head.