Dear boys…

By: ficsystem

TITLE: 3

The title turns me off a little. Sure it matches well with the story and it suits it but there’s something cliché and generic about it that would make me not want to click on the story just to see what’s it about. If the characters weren’t my golden trio, I wouldn’t be so eager to see what would it be about.

DESCRIPTION: 4

Description was okay. It didn’t really live up to any expectations, so yes, it was alright. Though it did give me a sense of what the story was going to be about. It would do well even without the small excerpt.

GRAMMAR: 15

Grammar is alright, it’s pretty basic actually. There are also some small mistakes littered here and there and practically everywhere but that is beside the point. No, actually, that is the point. There are serious sentences which need help and I suggest you skim over them or even hire a beta-reader to read over them. But to be honest, it isn’t that bad. There is potential hidden in between good enough sentences and well of words you wrote, so it’s not at all a hopeless case. Please continue writing and read books (if you’re not already reading) to hone your grammar skills more.

PLOT: 25

Okay, so where to start? I don’t even know. But I guess I should at least critique on how overused this kind of thing was? To the writing of letters from the diagnosed of cancer at a young age. It’s a pity, really. The flow is okay since it’s a short story but I feel like the end was so… abrupt and quick? I don’t know, like, Jiwon it’s you. End. Like okay, whoa there. The end was too fast for me and everything before that was just a hot mess in my opinion. Some scenes and parts of the story were okay and tolerable though but that doesn’t really say or help much.

CHARACTERIZATION: 10

I will always like my golden trio’s characters no matter what. So despite the setting, despite the plot; you still managed to keep me hooked with the way you wrote their characters. Jiwon is too obvious sometimes that I think Hayi can be a lot denser than Hanbin is in here. And omfg, clueless Hanbin? That was so cute! Especially in the first chapter. Jiwon stood there, overestimating here and to me it was just hilarious. Their friendship is evident, and Jiwon sometimes ends up being the third wheel but he was bold enough to break free from that and I’m just glad.

WRITING STYLE: 8

Your writing style is simple and plain. It’s lacking but I know with more work and references, you can really hone your skills. Your writing is already okay but of course, there are those errors and mistakes I’ve mentioned so keep on practicing to achieve the perfect all kill. Good job though.

RELEVANCE TO THE PROMPT: 8
The prompt is there, but vaguely in my opinion. Compared to other stories of the same prompt, it fails to show and redeem itself to me even towards the end. I don’t see how it relates to the story at all, except for maybe Hayi being diagnosed with cancer? Or the reality being the boys having to face the decision of who she chose? Or her dying with cancer? These are possibilities but they’re not emphasized and elaborated in the end.  

OVERALL ENJOYMENT: 8

Despite the grammatical errors and lack of actual plot (you know, for me), in the end I still did like it mainly because it’s my golden babies. I will always like a story of them and that’s just it, I enjoyed the story. It’s an okay read in the end.

TOTAL: 81/100