The First Time

By: ahelpinghand

TITLE: 3

Sure, the title does relate to the story and is relevant in all sorts of ways but I just can’t look past the fact that it's just too overused not just in my own opinion but others might agree as well. Though, it does give off a sweet, cute, youthful romantic feeling to it, I still think it’s kind of plain and lackluster overall.

DESCRIPTION: 4

The description was okay. It gave out necessary information and it peaked my interest a little, but not a lot. It was alright, the description, and again like the title, a bit lacking. It doesn’t have that “oompf” or in other words, it doesn’t quite leave an impact on me as a reader.

GRAMMAR: 20

Your grammar is good, very good really. I found it basic at first, and quite lacking, but towards the end, I saw potential and your choice of words were good and your sentences were structured really well. I liked reading because I read straight with no mistakes and errors in your work and that was good. Great actually. Keep up the good work on that!

PLOT: 26

The plot, overall, for me was overused and I don't know, mainstream. You added your own twist to it though, and I appreciated that but still the whole bucket list for the dying teenage girl thing made me hesitate on reading because as I’m subscribed to literally a thousand stories, at least fifty of them are about bucket lists and terminal illnesses and young love trying to defy the odds. So, sad to say that your grammar was good yet the plot is the complete opposite. Also, the things Shannon wanted were kind of common and I don’t know, I wanted and expected unique things to be placed on her list but it was kind of predictable. But the ending was a little surprising because I thought she’d beat all odds and they’re going to be together, but no. Sad endings are necessary in life sometimes.

CHARACTERIZATION: 10

The plot was disappointing but the characters were anything but. As friends, I adored their cute friendship and smiled the whole time I read the dialogues and conversations between them. They’re really dorky and goofy, it was such a fun read. As individuals, I like how Shannon stayed positive throughout her duration in the story. I like how she can retort right back to Hyunkyung’s snide comments and how she can handle him. As for Hyunkyung, I liked his jokes and how he tried everything in his will to keep her happy and to help her in achieving everything in her list. It was so cute, they’re definitely on my crackships list now!  

WRITING STYLE: 9

Your writing style was simple, plain and to the point. Sometimes you took too long to explain things, other times you left some things hanging. So that makes your writing in the in between. There is a balance, and it’s good. I docked off a point because I just thought it lacked that “oompf” I was talking about. I didn’t quite leave an impact on me, but your writing still is nice.

RELEVANCE TO THE PROMPT: 10 

Shannon had times and moments with Hyunkyung in where she just wanted time to stop and everything to freeze so she could exist in that moment, with him, forever and it was really touching and meaningful. The prompt really shone through here, especially during their moments, and it was nice to read that. I really saw the prompt being incorporated here.

OVERALL ENJOYMENT: 9

The story ended on a sad note and I feel bad for Hyunkyung, and now I want to replace Shannon huehue. Anyway, your story was a nice read. Touching, sweet and sickeningly cute. I liked the pairing, because they worked for me. It was a really cute, light and nice read.

TOTAL: 91/100