Posted this on tumblr and thought maybe someone here on AFF may get something out of it. If it even makes any sense lol! I tend to ramble a lot.

First off, carnations symbolize love and fascination. As in Himchan’s utter fascination that is like an obsession with the girl.

And there are three main color schemes throughout the fic. Dark red, red and white stripes, and then yellow.

The bouquet of carnations she got were dark red and so were the first two dresses. Those symbolized his deep love and passion for her. He honestly believes he loves her like no one else ever will.

After the second , he gives her a red and white stripe dress. Striped carnations symbolize regret and refusal. During this scene, the regret was from Himchan and the refusal was the girl. Himchan regretted what he did and wanted to start over. Pretend the never happened. But when he offered her the breakfast, she refused. In the story, he keeps telling her to ask anything of him. Whatever she wanted, he would give her. So refusing the breakfast was like refusing him. That’s why it upset him so much. But then she asked for juice. Himchan took that as her acceptance. That she forgave him because she asked for something from him.

Lastly, the yellow carnation at the end. Himchan paid the guy money to give the flower to the girl. It was still a carnation, meaning he was still fascinated and obsessed with her. Yellow carnations mean disappointment and rejection though. She left Himchan which to him means she rejected him. She didn’t want to be with him. So Himchan is disappointed with her.

Another thing about all the “flower talk”. The first carnations had their distinct smell while the yellow carnation at the end didn’t. It smelled very bland and mild like you would find in most flower shops. There is a reason for that.

When she mentioned the smell to Himchan in the beginning, he got excited. That she appreciated something most people don’t realize. And since he appreciated that detail as well, it was like they were both different than other people. That they were the same, and that she could appreciate him. In the end though, she ran away.

Now in order to get the yellow carnation to her, Himchan must have known where she was. That he was following/stalking her. Watching her a lot. But he wouldn’t be seeing just her. Think about what the girl said to the counselor about Dongseok.

“Still insisting he walk me to my car every night.” you offered. Before your friendship with him was purely work base. Now him and his girlfriend were practically family. And he was constantly supporting you, always at your side if you needed him to be. Which his girlfriend encouraged by telling him if he didn’t take care of you, she would make his life a living hell.

With Dongseok “always at her side” and “walking her to her car every night”, Himchan saw her with Dongseok. A lot. The thing Himchan didn’t want to happen. Her being with him. To the girl, it was merely platonic. “Practically family” as she said. But Himchan doesn’t see it that way. Hence his anger and him throwing the vase at her when he believed she would rather be with Dongseok instead of him.

Going back to that rage fueled moment, Himchan had started to choke her while saying “He can’t have you.” The thing that made him stop was her saying his name. The first time she ever called him by his name. It startled and surprised him. That she acknowledged him. Called out for him. So he stopped, realizing he was hurting her without any reason to. She said his name, not Dongseok’s. Of course in her mind, she was just getting him to stop and nothing more. When she hit Himchan with the vase and ran away, that was enough for Himchan to realize he was wrong. In his mind, she played him. That’s why when he chased her, he pulled out his knife, fully intending to kill her instead of letting Dongseok have her. If Himchan couldn’t have her, no one will. And that is why he gave her a bland carnation. As much as he was still in love with her, she didn’t love him. She didn’t meet his expectations. She didn’t appreciate him the way she was suppose to. The way it would have played out if Dongseok hadn’t kissed her head.

He tilted his head as he got a far away look in his eyes. “You would have recognized me.” he said matter-of-factly. “If everything went as planned. If you…” He his lips. “You would have. You would.”

According to Himchan, if everything had went as planned, she would have been with him. But Dongseok stole her from him. And instead of staying with Himchan like she was suppose to, she ran away from him and to Dongseok. The person that “can’t have her”. The same person that Himchan was willing to kill her over just so she couldn’t be with them.