So I lost my brother today. Actually he is my cousin but we are so close just like brother and sister. We hang out, play and have dun together. He's always there whenever I need him. He always consoles me, gives me motivation and advice and I could never ask for a better cousin than him. 

He went to the army few years ago and just recently he was in charge as military service in Papua. After that we cannot hang out together as before because I was busy with university works and he is busy with his work. I cannot maintain a good communication with him for almost two years and just a few days I felt like I got a bad feeling. I kept wondering how he was doing, how was his life there, was he fine and healthy?.

Monday afternoon I got news that he passed away due to malaria. I was so shocked and I couldn't believe it. I meant just a few days before I dreamt of him and then I got news that he is dead? I collected some sources, asking his family and close friends and I could confirmed that he already left this world. 

This afternoon was his funeral. His mom insisted that he should be buried in our homeland. I couldnt bear to see his family crying. I couldn't get a grip of myself and crying so badly because I knew that was the last time I'd be seeing him. 

I felt so lost and vurnerable because I couldn't even say goodbye to him properly when he was sent to Papua. And now I regret it. I regret it cause I wasnt there for him. There were no goodbyes no farewell and I could only crying for the loss. I just hope that he would be resting in peace.  I always knew that he always wanted to serve as an army and somehow I am glad that he died while he was in duty. 

Goodbye my dearest brother... We really do love you but I think God loves you more that He wants you to stay by His side.  May be this is the best for us all. I'll see you when I see you... Hopefully, in the next lifetime...