You know when you have that dreading feeling, you just know something's bound to happen. You just know it and you feel it. Well I got that today.

My grandmother, on my mom's side, has been in the hospital for three months now. I barely got any news from her. I live in a very dismantled / not close family, so I barely got to see her because she lives far away, and to be honest, she's a grumpy lady and kind of an , but that doesn't mean I don't love her. She's my grandmother for 's sake.

I have this thing where I don't visit people at hospitals because I don't know if it's the last time I'll see them. I'm afraid to change the image I have of them. It was like that for my grandfather on my dad's side and my step-father's dad. I didn't get to know my grandfather on my mom's side, for he died before my mom even got married, so my parents went to see her today, just to come back with news that she had died.

Death is something that cannot be avoided, I know that. It's a pattern : Everyone seems to have a last boost of energy before they leave. My grandfather did and she did too. She was alright yesterday night. Today, she had an internal hemorrhage and she was too weak to be operated. She was what, 75 ? I don't know. I barely see my family, so keeping up with the ages.. Anyway, she was kinda young. But now, at least, we won't have to worry about it.

I often think I get used to death, I get used to people dying around me. I'm a young person in old surroundings, but I'm not. I'll go through it though, I have to.