Hey,

So i've been at this job for just over a month and I hate it... I really hate it... I wake up on a Sunday wanting to lay in bed till the afternoon but no I am forced to get up goddamn before anyone else to get shouted at by my boss for being slow with having to do a routine for the morning sunday newspapers within 15 minutes- baring in mind I am weak in the joints and have had no training in lifting heavy objects correctly. 

I struggle with everything and I can't open the shutters to the shop on my own but they refuse to help me so I stand in the cold hurting my arms trying to lift them just the way my boss showed me but my weak self can't... I can never feel my hands because of the cold and I am sick and tired of doing everything while the other workers just watch me. 

Every day I work they want me to 

Go through the whole shop and see if everything is there or needs filling,

If something is missing I need to get the keys and go to the back sheds to get such items that are heavy for me to carry (I can't even lift a box of chocolate bars),

I have to refil all the drinks within 10 minutes and if it's alcohol I must check if we have them in the pile near the fridge if not I must go out back and risk crushing myself trying to get to the ones I need as they are all piled in packs of 16 to the cieling (I am only 5ft 3/4), 

I have to work the till until they want me to do the rounds of the shop,

They then make me check the dates and get rid of things that are out of date for that day,

Before 8:25pm I am to turn off the light to the fridge to the alcohol then wait till 8:30pm to turn the whole thing off,

Then I need to lock the sheds, take the bins out and then do the newspapers (i have to count how many of each one are left put in into a table and pile them up, sign the sheet with the table on cut it in two give one half to my boss and the other is to go on top of the pile before I tie they up and have to carry them to the newspaper box out back and lock it).

After that I shut all the shutters not feeling my hands the whole time and battling with keys. 

I then bring crates in, lock the back door, turn off the lights of the fridges and close the thing to hide the products, then I have to bring the locks out and unlock them all. 

Then I have to wait for my boss to do something in the back and then turn off the CCTV and run to get all the heavy locks and chains in the correct places outside the door and put the correct key in the door before my boss comes out and locks up and then I lock up the chains. 

On a sunday I work all day and I hate it, I have to do vouchers every two weeks all by myself and I am dyslexic and numbers aren't a good point for me and I have to count every single one and separate all the different vouchers and make sure I have counted them correctly and then do all the paper work this takes me 3 days to do and I hate it. The newspapers are left for me to remember what mag goes in what newspaper and I can't even lift the newspapers out of the box, I have popped my shoulder way to many times to count and I got crushed by the alcohol pile and couldn't use my arm but had to carry on working till my shift ended. 

And still all they do is watch me while I do everything, I get all the blame for that I don't even do and I have come home crying my eyes out so many times. I am so stressed with college work load that I asked to take one day off my week from now on and he had a go at me saying I wouldn't get the routines in my head that they need me to (THEY COULD DO SOMETHING INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME TO DO ING EVERYTHING THERE IS 7 OF US) I nearly cried cause I am already doing over what my college reccomend and I am getting paid below minimum wage according to others as the law changed it and my boss is paying me the old one...I get paid £4 an hour while all my friends are getting £7.50 an hour... I do more hours than them a week and do more demanding work than them yet I get paid less... the other workers at my work get paid a lot more for doing all. 

I hate the job but I need the money to help my mother as we are in a little money trouble...I feel sick all the time, weak and everything hurts my mental state is so bad and I haven't told anybody- each day I work I feel pathetic and I keep having anxiety attacks and bouts of crying and I can't even sleep again, my mind is telling me to do stupid stuff cause I am so stressed. I can't do it anymore but I need the money that's all that's keeping me at the job but I get so bored when I get some time that I don't need to do anything... I have had old people get really rude and just not be nice and yes I understand I have pastel pink hair but I am kind and welcome all the customers with a smile and I always say 'good morning/afternoon' I always say thank you and I talk to them but when they start shouting at me or being rude I freeze and my anxiety stops me from talking, I end up robotically doing the thing and when they leave my boss shouts at me for not talking and then sends me to do other work... 

I don't know what to do...I have work tomorrow and I don't want to go.. I really don't want to go... I have so much work to do for the deadline next week and I have so much work...I am seeing a counsellor on monday but I feel like and I don't want to go out of my bed. 

I want to quit I want to quit so bad but I can't unless I find another job fast... 

everything i am so done