I put all trust and my feelings into a friendship, just to fall down when they don't give it back. That's just me. I get emotional and cry when I feel sad, but never infront of someone else. I laugh until it hurts and joke about stuff, yet I don't feel like anyone actually likes me (which is bullsh** because right now I could name people that genuinally care about me.) I be as open as I can to people, so that they feel welcomed by me, but the normally backfires because I tell them things they then use againts me. I let people become my friends so they can become friends with my friends. Then they just leave me. I mean, what more can I expect. They just use me to become friends with people I geniuanly care about, and then everyone leaves me. This has happened ever scince I started school, when I was 5. My closest friends hate me and now I can't open up to people as much and I feel bad- not because I am alone or sad- but because people won't like me as much, because they won't get to know me. My "friends" have broken my personality and taken away all my confidence. I can't speak to people as much now, or do even a small thing like a class presentation with out shaking. I could talk to people easily and make friends, now I just push people away.

I use to be this loud and friendly personality and now

 I don't even recognize myself.

I feel like with all that's happened in my life so far, doesn't even matter because I don't even remember the person I used to be. I've done the one thing I said I wouldn't ever do- lose myself.