I'm almost there. I was about to get out from the hole that I've been hiding all the time. But then, someone walk into my life and push me back into the black hole that I've been dying to get out. 

I was so in love with him. Then suddenly, he threw our love away as if it didn't mean anything to him. Eventho it was nothing to him, it was everything to me. Those pair of hazelnut eyes that i fell for, his beautiful laugh was a drug to me and it's killing me. Hearing your laugh everyday but knowing that I'm not the reason behind your happiness is a deadly torture to me.

Everyone I trust, betrayed me. So tell me, how am i going to survive in this cruel world? Is it my fault that I become someone whos socially awkward? I was so scared to trust anyone. I was so scared to every single human being in this world including my family members. I used to have panic attack and it was really bad. Like seriously bad.

There's a quote goes "Love is based on your effort". I dont believe it. Why? Simple. I put all my effort to make him happy, i tried really hard but then another girl came into our story and she's perfect. Shes everything I'm not so he went after her.

So now tell me, is love really based on effort?

When he told me i was just a nuisance to him, I could literally hear the sound of my heart breaking, shattered into small pieces that would definitely can't be fix. Breathing seemed so hard to do but still, I put the best smile and said it's okay and walk away. I should have shouted at him. I should have just curse him. But I can't. 

I'm a strong girl or that's what people told me. But you need to know, all of these messed up bulls are killing me. It's eating me inside out. I guess i just loved him too much which why it felt like i was burnt down in a raging fire. Which is why it felt like someone tore my heart violently and shred it into small pieces and then stomped on it. 

I hope he's happy with his life while I'm secretly suffering. 

I'm almost there.

Almost.

But I'm failing miserably.