Hey,

Last night I came home from college already feeling unstable, I had been holding back tears the whole time at college and I felt stupid. Well I decided to try and get help with some work that was a big part of what was wrong and the girl gave me all her notes saying she wasn't sure if we were allowed them during the class since it is for an assessment that I missed the planning for (I was sick for two days well a week but I couldn't take the other days off). I then realised I had a Japanese test as well that I am not ready for as I am slower than the rest of my class due to my dyslexia and the teacher keeps making fun of me in front of the whole class, I now worry everytime I have Japanese that she is going to try and make me read something that I can't read.

To tell you the truth as I cannot read Hiragana and Katakana yet I am unable to follow what is happening in class now as everything is in Japanese not English and Romaji. I struggle so much so that adds to my problem. 

I cried for hours yesterday when everything became to much for me to handle and my brain was just crashing. My mother arrived home after 9pm but when she did I just exploded into an anxiety and stress breakdown, I cried for a good hour and ended up not sleeping the whole night. 

I got to the point last night that I actually said I wanted to overdose and just die and I kinda still want to do that...I don't see how I am supposed to be as fast as they want me to be...I am not like that... 

Really wish I could just stay home and try and calm down some more but I can't and I just know I will have a breakdown at college.