Herro everybody~

Last week I had my first councelling appointment at my college, I had a panic attack before I actually went into the room. However we talked for a long time and I let out a lot of thoughts, she told me that I am very observant with my surroundings and I know what can trigger me and what to avoid - also how to deal with an attack in public aka classrooms. Another thing that got me thinking was that she said my anxiety and paranoia stems from something or things that happened in my past- her words were that my brain will hear a word or see something that then brings a sudden memory causing me to have an attack.

This had me wondering what on earth could have happened in my past and I knew bullying could have be one of the things that my brain remembers, so I talked to my mum about it seeing if she knew of anything from my past. Well I was in a car accident when I was 3/4 (I can't really remember how old but 4 should be right since my dad was still with my mum) I got hurt along with my dad who broke his neck (not enough to kill him only a little break) and I had hit my head also had bruising to my organs- I was very sick. According to my family after that accident I wouldn't get into a car or any type of transport without screaming and crying. So that is definiety another thing that seems to be remembered in my brain, another could be my parents arguing all the time, the plates smashing around me and my brother screaming in fear in my arms... I often get nightmares of stuff from when my mother and father were still together...

But I do feel that I now can see what is causing my attacks that quite often happen when I don't even think I am anxious that is why the lady said its memories being suddenly projected through my brain. Now I know what is causing them however I still can't figure out the words that trigger me because my teacher in my Communication and Culture class was talking about ISIS and a lot of other things and all of a sudden one word triggered off an attack but I couldn't work out what... I have some work to do but there has been improvements! 

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Now onto the moron who I had my first kiss with. 

Well I was shown screenshots from his ting with another girl and I was utterly disgusted and horrifed by what I read as they used my body to t each other as in talked about my body and stuff...about what they want to do with me and it was ing disturbing. Also they used to talk about me to each other when we were at school and how 'hot' I was and again talking about my body parts aka my s and my lady area urg I am so disgusted by this. 

my mum isnt at all fazed by this and I am so confused as to why she isnt am I the only one who finds it creepy?