Today I decided to leave another roleplay. It wasn't out of the ordinary. It was any other type of joining, trying to socialize, and then leaving if the people, the theme or whatever is in the roleplay doesn't suit to my tastes. I've been roleplaying for four years. I stopped a year or calmed down from it. I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe for the sake that when I log back into this account I would remember every memory I made because of this online game.

It started with a friend who was roleplaying. I joined this roleplay as a Japanese idol. It was the start of everything. We became ambitious. We wanted something different. We made Hoshi Hakgyo. A combination of us liking Japanese idols and my friend liking Kpop ones. We were having the best times in our lives. Everyone was happy and plotting. That was year 2012. We lasted for a year. Who would've thought? I'm not exactly sure though, if I was still there when the anniversary was done. Somewhere along the way, my friends decided to side with a my character's ex-girlfriend and defended her. I tried to explain my side to them, but they seemed to be convinced. Everyone is. What was I suppose to do? Victims are always victorious. Pity always wins. But that was in the past. It didn't matter anymore. Because of that I lost my friends. Each one that I know.

I left the roleplay and started my own. There, I found new ones.

In the roleplay I made, everyone was crazy. Hotissue. Sending hot tears on your tissue was the concept. It didn't matter if you're the bully or the victim, we're all just having fun. It didn't last long. Almost a year too, I think? That was the time I got busy with real life. Everything in real life was a lot better. The feelings of happiness, sadness and nervousness wouldn't amount to what you would feel in the roleplay. Roleplay, is just a game that everyone takes seriously. Or almost everyone. Closing the roleplay, it was selfish of me to go to other roleplays and play. Being an admin is tough; and it wasn't easy to maintain a roleplay with just yourself. I don't want to open it again and pretend I can handle things on my own.

So I wandered. I went to different roleplays for a year. It didn't do much. It was only to satisfy my boredom when I'm alone. Like playing with your phone while waiting for the dentist. But by chance or destiny's play, I met a person whom I've been with in Hoshi. He was a good person. He didn't leave my character who was sad and alone. He was too kind for his own sake, actually. So I met the group again from Hoshi. From there, I joined Aigoo. I met the rest of the Hoshi people there. Technically speaking two people. Again, we became ambitious. No roleplay can satisfy our tastes.

And from there, Yudae High was born.

Yudae High wasn't like Hoshi. But it was almost the same. Lively and well. Happy and plotting (for some). I thought this time, I will watch the roleplay have its anniversary, secretly preparing a group that has a 'thank you' message from all the members we've had for the head admin and other admins. I won't go into details on how it didn't end up that way. But just a summary, an argument that rose and me getting mad at a person who I thought was the cause of my friend leaving. In the end, I was left again by a friend whom I've known for a while for someone else. Deciding to leave the roleplay, the other friends I made were upset about it. Unconsciously, I  was glad that they were upset -it only meant they cared. But the one I wanted to care was the one who didn't. I didn't want to come back. Especially after knowing (screencap sent) that this 'friend' was backstabbing me already. I gave it up. But some circumstances made me come back. A clue with be about cheating. I think to my future self, you will remember this just from that keyword. I tried socializing again, but people started saying they can't talk to me, only to find out that they were being 'caged' by this 'friend' of mine. Nevertheless, it was their choice to not talk to me and they made it. Although some still did, I didn't want to fight anymore. I was so tired. But something happened.

Security checks fired here and there. To my 'friend'.

Although I do find it funny, because it must be karma's work towards him, I still didn't want him mad at the people in Yudae. I could predict what would happen next. The gloomy atmosphere didn't help it. Everyone tried to cover what they know, what they are seeing to keep the roleplay standing. In my eyes, they tried to please this friend of mine for as long as they could until someone got tired.

That sparked "The Revolution".

It wasn't an event, but a group in facebook. It contained all the members excluding the admins. Knowing my 'friend' it wasn't a good idea to be in there. It was kind of stupid to even name it that way and let an admin in. But what can I do? I have to save my other friends. The following day some people got security checked. I had a gut feel of who did it, and I knew what was next. I had to unfriend everyone else, and leave that group. I didn't want to make a new roleplay anyway (if you've noticed, all the rps I made died). I had to beg that my friends won't be reported, that I won't make a new roleplay with them. But I didn't catch up though. Everyone has been security checked already.

I was only able to save myself that day.

Some of my friends cried. Some were really mad. But what can we do? This is roleplay. This is all just a game.

To people who take this seriously like their life, I would say you are just wasting your time unless you're in a literate roleplay and inspired to write fanfictions that can turn into best-selling books someday. I am not mad at roleplay. I am still roleplaying. But taking it seriously can make you sick. I got sick. Hopefully this virus won't last long than I think it would.

P.S. After being reported (maybe by this so called friend; not for the first time), I think I can finally say goodbye to roleplaying for now.